'I Am Sure in Your Mind That This Was Some Big Step for Girl Power'

Illustration for article titled I Am Sure in Your Mind That This Was Some Big Step for Girl Power

Most of us have received a crap email or two in our day. You know the type — the ex who tries to make you feel bad about yourself, the forgotten hookup who's convinced he was the most important person in your life, the date who inelegantly demands a second chance. But these are all garden-variety assholery compared to the advanced specimen we bring you today.

This crap artist may not be as crass as some, but what he lacks in outright insult he makes up for in calm manipulation — gaslighting, if you will. The recipient explains,

The background to this email is that I found out my long distance boyfriend had been cheating on me. Well, not only cheating but maintaining an entirely different girlfriend. So I sent her a very polite message on FB saying essentially he was lying to us both. She asked for evidence so I forwarded her a rash of emails that contained pictures, videos, and other obvious indications we'd been together. I didn't hear from him until last night when I received this.


"This" would be the following missive:

I feel like with everything that has transpired over the past few days and now that hopefully cooler heads have prevailed, I needed to take a minute and send you a note and shed some light on a couple of things.

This is not me trying to get over on you, and it is not me telling you what you did was wrong. I think you probably contacted Jane* out of hurt, and your passing along of private emails, texts, pictures, videos and intimate details was what you thought would get you the biggest bang for your buck. Fair enough. People act rashly, when they are vulnerable, threatened and hurt. Clearly you were all of the above.

However, in the process of trying to grind your ax with me, you hurt an innocent person along the way. Jane never did anything to you. I know that you think your correspondence was chivalrous and that you were helping a sister out, but you did not do it in a way that was very respectful to her.

You do not add a lot of credibility to your cause when you address a well traveled and highly educated woman as if they were a newborn babe in the woods. I am sure in your mind that this was some big step for Girl Power keeping it real, but it does not come across that way. It comes across like you are trying to coach someone that is in very little need of direction, which you probably should have picked up on.

Also, as much as I get that you might have been upset and hurt I don't think you realize how your actions have affected a relationship that was full of sweetness and affection; a relationship that was important and relevant to more than just me and has now likely been irreversibly tainted. You might never want to see me happy, or probably alive for that matter, but you took down more than me.

Again, please know I am not sending you this to give you shit, or to get you riled up, or to fuck with you. I legitimately wanted to let you know that if your plan was to hurt me; well played.

You win.

* Name has been changed.

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I submitted this. My first thought upon reading the email was "sbdjfhbfhhfhd anger anger anger". My second was "Crap email from a dude!". These comments are making me feel SO much better about an incredibly crappy week. Thanks jez! :)