Dominique Strauss-Kahn Stars in World's Least Surprising Gang Rape Accusation

Illustration for article titled Dominique Strauss-Kahn Stars in Worlds Least Surprising Gang Rape Accusation

Dominique Strauss-Kahn, he of the New York hotel maid rape accusation and the French journalist rape accusation and the illegal prostitution ring scandal accusation, has just been accused of participating in the gang rape of a prostitute at the W Hotel in Washington, DC. Excuse me while I take a nap of surprise.

The French media is reporting that officials are currently investigating the accusations of a Belgium prostitute named Marie-Anne, who says that in mid-December 2010, she and a bevy of other prostitutes were participating in an "orgy" involving Strauss-Kahn (at this point, you may want to take a moment to queue up a few videos of adorable kittens that cannot stay awake to scrub the mental image of what's to come).

According to Marie-Anne, during the escapade, Strauss-Kahn suddenly became violent, pulling hair, choking. And then, he "attempted to sodomize" her. She says that she told him no, but that he proceeded to, anyway. Another prostitute involved corroborates Marie-Anne's story, saying that she didn't call out, but that it was clear that she was unhappy.


Marie-Anne says she didn't report the crime because she thought of Strauss-Kahn as "a jerk" rather than a rapist. (How completely fucked is it that a woman would think forced sodomization is "jerky" rather than "rapey?") Because of this weekend's French election, the investigation into the ex-Presidential contender and former IMF chief's conduct at the W hotel is being delayed.

What's that old saying about smoke being indicative of fire?

[Business Insider]

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As we learned with Nafissatou Diallo, Strauss-Kahn's penis is so powerful that women fall to their knees in adoration whenever they are allowed to glimpse its glory. The very idea that he could rape anyone is laughable, and we should all just leave the poor old man alone lest he deny his magnificent manhood to womankind.