Sarah Palin Feels All the Feelings About the Supreme Court's Obamacare Ruling

Illustration for article titled Sarah Palin Feels All the Feelings About the Supreme Court's Obamacare Ruling

After Supreme Court Chief Justice John Roberts rained his secret socialist gavel down on Obamacare, vocal anti-reality advocate Sarah Palin managed to make it through all five Kübler-Ross stages of grief. Publicly, and hilariously.


Palin's initial reaction to Obamacare as a policy was one of DENIAL of reality, and this week, she reiterated that if the Affordable Care Act was upheld, she stood by her proclamation that regular old hockey mom reality TV daughterpimping Americans like her would be subjected to "Death Panels" featuring bureaucrats in Eyes Wide Shut style orgy costumes that would decide who gets to live and who has to die.

Following that, Palin exhibited ANGER over the Supreme Court's decision, Tweeting, "Obama lied to the American people. Again. He said it wasn't a tax. Obama lies; freedom dies."

Next, she moved on to BARGAINING, urging Congress to use their power to tax to repeal Obamacare by the end of next month. She told Fox "OBAMACARE OVERTURNED" News' Greta Van Susteren, "Congress has opportunity to act on this tax, as this has been deemed a tax as opposed to Obama's insistence it wasn't a tax. And after the July recess, I expect Congress to come in and rescind this tax.… I want to see that done in July."

Following that, the requisite DEPRESSION, saying "If Obama is reelected, well, America, you will no longer recognize the country that today you truly love." Sounds dire. America's over. Pack it up. It was a good run while it lasted.

But there's a light at the end of the tunnel, Sarah! The next stage in the cycle is FEIGNED ACCEPTANCE, and by the end of the day yesterday, it seemed Palin was there. She wrote an optimistic Facebook post to her minions, stressing that this ruling will "fire up the troops" (uh, are The Troops going to come back here and fight the President? Please see me after class, Sarah.) and open America's eyes to Obama's true imperative: to fuck shit up, just for fun, because what he really loves is making people pay taxes as, like, a hobby.

Thank you, SCOTUS. This Obamacare ruling fires up the troops as America's eyes are opened! Thank God.

This proves to be such an unsettling time in America as we undergo the fundamental transformation that Barack Obama promised he would do to us if elected. Obamacare was dealt in deception and confusion by flooding the public with an overwhelming amount of conflicting "rationale" via thousands of pages of unread legislative detail, which is the radical left's M.O. Obama promised the American people this wasn't a tax and that he'd never raise taxes on anyone making less than $250,000. We now see that this is the largest tax increase in history. It will slam every business owner and every one of the 50% of Americans who currently pay their taxes. The other 50% are being deceived if they think they're going to get a free ride – because Medicaid is broke. Recipients of Obama's "free health care" will have fewer choices and less accessibility. Trust me – this much more expensive health care WILL be rationed; to claim otherwise defies all economic and common sense.

We will not retreat on this. A newly elected legislative branch is key to defending our Republic and fundamentally restoring all that is good in America.


So, freedom is not dead, after all, because God is rallying the troops to oppose health care reform, and this is a good thing. Praise be!

The entire rapid progression of Palin Feelings reminded me of that scene from 30 Rock when Liz Lemon gets drunk while waiting for a call back from a condo board and ends up making progressively weirder calls to their answering machine. "I've got a NEW APARTMENT."

It may be true that Sarah Palin is no longer relevant, and that her disastrous turn as John McCain's Vice Presidential nominee seems to have actually set women in the GOP back several years, and it also may be true that Sarah Palin is an angry dum-dum who's in way over her head, and her opinions don't really matter because they're terrible. But it's also true that her willful ignorance and proud stupidity are terribly entertaining, and she makes a great frenemy. She's probably the best frenemy a gal could hope for in these troubling times. Thank you SCOTUS. Thank you, God.




You know who else lies? Joe lies....when he cries.