You know how Charlize Theron's mom shot her dad when she was 13 and it was ruled self-defense because he was a wifebeater and oh, by the way, all this happened in South Africa where the law didn't really consider black people to be fully human until 1994, which must have been pretty insane to grow up around...and...anyway she's in a new movie with Will Smith! And she has some platitudes to share re the subject of love and relationships!! I mean, if you wanted to hear about domestic violence and racism and the legacy of apartheid you wouldn't be wasting your time on celebrity profiles, right? Anyway, Charlize Theron is on the cover and in fairness to Glamour every profile of Charlize Theron sounds the same, like there is some editor scrawling all over the rough draft, Bitch gained THIRTY FUCKING POUNDS to play that dyke serial killer and that is about as HEAVY AS WE GET HERE, PUN INTENDED. Anyway, more groundbreaking and complex "Beach Issue" features distilled into cheap blasphemous mocking cover lines after the jump.