Why the long face, SJP? Perhaps you're confused, like us, about the pain-killer-induced art direction which resulted in your surprisingly unflattering visage on this month's cover? Maybe you can't quite follow your mise-en-abyme-filled profile where writer Plum Sykes totally just blurs the line between you, Carrie Bradshaw, a real Vogue photo shoot, a fake Vogue photo shoot, herself, and herself playing herself for the fake Vogue photo shoot which was kind of a real Vogue photo shoot because those pictures ended up in this month's issue. Okay, now we're totally lost. Kind of like the un-Vogue words "Let's Talk About Sex" on this month's cover. Maybe they got lost on their way to Cosmopolitan? (We also distinctly remember reading those headlines in In Touch or Life & Style or US Weekly in an article on this very same movie!) Anyway, after the jump, find out about the terrifying things floating in your water, the types of bridezillas Vogue is targeting, and what kind of pants you need to wear EVERYWHERE ... because after all, it's what's on the inside that counts.