We were SUPER scared when we saw the cover of this month's Cosmo. Not because that perfectly-centered pendant on Carmen Electra's chest looks like some sort of surveillance device planted by malevolent aliens! No, it was the word "sexy." Where is it? Aside from two instances in which it modifyies the words "hair" and "confidence," Cosmo's cover is starkly, notably, indisputably absent of the word "sex." What does mean? Is ita reflection on the chastened economy? The Hezbollah victory in Lebanon? We immediately flipped it open to find out. And mercifully enough, we were virtually BARRAGED with articles about S-E-X. One story suggested dripping hot candle wax down your boyfriend's asshole. Another said you should hide in a room with his phone, then call it, and surprise him by being NAKED when he comes to answer it. Cosmo had us thinking so dirty we were in the middle of a riveting story about how to use a curling iron when we started thinking sexily about ramming it up his "back door." Click the jump for more dirty thoughts!