Thirty letters I never expected to see on the cover of a women's magazine: "Why you should have a good cry at work." But there they are! On the April Marie Claire, boasting a story pegged to Hillary Clinton's voter-friendly tear session on the campaign trail. Immediately I began thinking of snarky substitutes for Cover Lies. "Great idea! For me to blow my snot on!" or "No, listen! Women more gullible than you will read this story and NOT REALIZE WE'RE PURPOSELY SABOTAGING THEIR CAREERS. Thus clearing the way for you smart 'Marie Claire' readers to advance! See that? Darwinism, baby!" Yeah, anyway. So: then I felt like a hypocrite. Here I am, in my home office, hard at work, and oh shit, lookie here, a tear. (Though I will note I have company in at least one Wonkette reader's conservative 75-year-old granddad.) Anyway, back to the point: of course I've cried at work. We all have! But we'd take it back if we could, right?

Well, mostly. Maybe there is a window of time, from, say, age of 20 to 26, during which you are allowed to cry if you are considered to be an overprecocious and/or caustic young female employee and you have a sweet, supportive older male boss who gives you the benefit of the doubt maybe in small part because he would probably like to fuck you. Not that I speak from experience. But yeah, crying is probably only helpful in the case that it somehow shatters notions of you as some sort of ambitious uberfemmesch feminazi bonerkiller like Hillary.

But under general principle, crying is something women are more prone to do than men, and men run everything and only promote people they trust, and rarely trust women who are big criers and anyway, crying is exhausting โ€” seriously, why do I feel like I've burned a thousand calories after I cry? โ€” and tends to get in the way of doing actual work.

Ugh, and speaking of which, thanks for fucking up my workday with your stirring eloquence, Barack Obama.

True Stories Of Crying At Work [Marie Claire]