Barack Obama is giving a (LOOOONG) victory speech and people just cheered wildly to his announcement that he intends to negotiate with our pure evil enemies. I'm sensing...something of a contrast between his speech and John McCain's victory speech, which was mostly about how we need to bring back a bipolar balance of power in this world and by golly we will turn Muksama Al-madinejad into the second coming of Stalin if it takes every last shred of pork in the next 4,000 budgets! Is this a winning strategy, or will Barack Obama's pretty speeches reveal McCain's venerable hawkish realism for the alarmist conservabaiting crazy that it is? Stay tuned, guys! Just nine more months of this...OOOH UPDATE: he just invoked the Greatest Generation!

Did you know Obama also is a descendant of old people? Lest you thought he was charismatic cyborg spawn. He is proud of the olds and all the bravery and self-sacrifice that happened back when whites and blacks didn't have to go to see one another at the movie theater. Doh! Good speech, O. Even the Fox News people think so! Hey wait, what am I doing watching Fox News? Oh yeah, sacrifice. So you don't have to! I love y'all.