Yay! We are back with more Cover Lies! This month, Cosmo achieved the impossible. It made the slang term "Va-Jay-Jay" even more cringetacular! See, it's not okay to just emblazon the word "Vagina" really big on a magazine, because then all the blogs will write "Ha ha ha Cosmo said 'VADGE'" and set off a domino-effect of third grade humor. So we are glad Cosmo took the mature road by employing euphemisms like "lovely lady parts" and illustrating the vagina package — heh! — with photos of oranges and grapefruits and vinegar bottles ("Every chick has a different scent!") and E. coli under a microscope. Reading about my "V-zone" and what men think about when they masturbate (hint: sex) is like a trip down the self-hating, socially awkward, sexually misguided locker room years of early adolescence! Anyway, to that end, Cosmo's cover lines are great, but they do not do justice to the succulent fruit inside. Graphic design guru/Jezebel intern Cheryl Campbell and I update the cover lines, after the jump.