The first line of the W cover story on Scarlett Johansson and Natalie Portman is possibly more ridiculous than the Russian prostitute/small dog/ACK tuxedo collar?! styling: "It's not easy to find a man whose celebrity crush list includes both Natalie Portman and Scarlett Johansson." Um, really? Did you check this fact with, say, a man? Because I'm pretty sure there are a few billion dudes who would gladly screw either Natalie Portman or Scarlett Johansson, no preference, merely on the basis, in both cases, of "She's hot." In fact, wait a sec, isn't that the whole point of this movie they are promoting with this whole photo shoot thingi? That some king has an affair with one of them, followed by an affair with the other? Or is that the plot of some other "Other Boleyn Girl"?

Nope, just checked, it's the right one! And I'm pretty sure what was true in 1537 has not changed: most dudes would fuck either one on the basis of "she's hot." In fact the whole notion that they are different types who attract different types of men is, I think, a myth perpetuated by all the industries trying to trick women into believing they can express something about their true identities, something deep and personal and unique, through their appearances. The same appearances they use to attract dudes! In truth most women interested in expressing something unique and personal and true generally just, like, express it, and women interested in expressing the desire to attract dudes tend to imitate other women who have achieved that. You can even do both.

And most dudes are just like a certain Jezebel's ex-boyfriend, who shared the fact while in bed with said Jezebel that his two fantasy fucks were, that's right, Scarlett Johansson and Natalie Portman. The ex's name, incidentally, is "Adam." I think we can all agree there is something symbolic about that.

Sister Act (Ooooh, clever!) [W Magazine]