Really, Ann Romney? A white suit? Like you weren't white enough already? Like you weren't already so white you actually managed to be too white for the Republican Party? The Romneys sort of remind me of a really hot student dentist I went to once, who told me I had six cavities but that he didn't want to fill any of them until I used a teeth-bleaching kit — he made the mold for me for free and everything! — so that my teeth would match the filling. He showed me a strip of colors, each representing a different shade of teeth whiteness. "See the whitest white?" he asked. "This bleaching kit will actually get you whiter than the whitest white on this paper. My teeth are actually three shades whiter than the whitest white. And your teeth could be at least two shades whiter!" "Uh, do you also drink five cups of coffee a day, guy?" I asked. He didn't drink coffee. I bet he was Mormon! Discussion of all that and Chaka Khan, with your regulars Moe and Megan Carpentier, inside.
MOE: So I have to say I was sad I missed the day MITT ROMNEY STEPPED DOWN LIKE THE LO$ER HE IS. Someone somewhere wrote he'd "abandoned the product lunch." And now it's not even on Drudge. Or maybe it is but I don't look down that far.
MEGAN: I mean, basically, he didn't want to run so long he couldn't run again because he looked stupid
so, he's basically planning on being back.
MOE: Lucky us? What did you think of the speech? The pundits seemed to think it was "feisty"... and I was kinda doped up, but I found it demeaning, hateful and borderline racist!
MEGAN: I love how part of it was about executing OBL? The hell?
MOE: Oh yeah by that point I was like, "Really Mitt? You wanna talk about welfare queens and the cycle of dependence? Tell me again the story of how you were born a poor black child who pulled himself up by his Timberland bootstraps etc. etc."
MEGAN: I'm sorry, I'm slightly distracted
Chaka Khan is on CNN RIGHT NOW
And, personally, thoughts of Romney cannot compete
MOE: O h my, what is she doing? I can't leave my bed.
MEGAN: She wrote a book! She's in The Color Purple on Broadway! She quit drinking! They played clips from half of her videos.
Oprah got her to be in The Color Purple
Um, so, ok, fan girl moment over. Back to Mitt Romney. Yeah, he basically hit all the conservative talking points so he can be remembered as a real conservative in 4 years when McCain loses and he runs for the nomination again.
WARNING: BRIEF BUT EARNEST RELIGIOUS DISCUSSION FOLLOWS. PROBS BEST TO IGNORE.
MOE: "Through the Fire" used to make me cry as a kid. Chaka Khan is probably the best thing ever, now that I think about it. And yeah I love how the only feature-y angle on Mitt Romney anyone can think of now is Was It Good For the Mormons? Look, there's an A1 Journal story about that as well. I dunno, I think it may have been better for Lawrence O'Donnell.
MEGAN: I dunno, in some way I love the fact that everyone thinks Mormons bring the crazy harder than any other religion. Like, Christians believe that a virgin popped out a kid fathered by God who went out to rise from the dead but it's totes weird that a church in America would want to practice the polygamy condoned by the Bible and believe that Jesus appeared to the Incans or whatever?
MOE: It's tough to say. On one hand, Huckabee's religiosity scares me mor than Romeny's religion did. On the other hand, when you're faced with a faith that has been systemically racist until 30 years ago or whatever, whose very Bible says dark skin denotes unbelief and loathsomeness, whose story has more in common with Dianetics than the Dead Sea Scrolls.. it's tough to take. I don't buy the "all religions are fucked up" argument. Like Lawrence says, in some religions, rejection of most tenets are not only tolerated, they are the norm. LDS absolutely does not work that way, and that spookly excommunication of members who publicly dissent from the teachings — which is such a terrible fate few of them seem willing to go there — represents the epitome of the kind of dogma I don't want having any sort of hold on the brain of any leader of anything.
Someone who won't publicly denounce Brigham Young's preachings on miscegenation because it's politically problematic is sure as hell never going to make a tough decision in his political life.
MEGAN: Well, but Catholics excommunicate disagree-ers (see: denouncement of pro-choice politicians like Mario Cuomo and John Kerry). And they don't accept Catholics throwing out bits of dogma. So maybe that's why I sort of shrug my shoulders at Mormonism.
Because I was raised Catholic.
But I agree with your points on the racism.
MOE: Yeah but we were raised Catholic and can still identify as Catholic and still go back to our Catholic schools and Catholic churches and Catholic communities and have spirited arguments over any one of these things — or not, because at this point I know NO ONE in my old Catholic community who doesn't agree with me on pretty much everything w/r/t to the church. So we run for president and some pedophile-enabling archbishop says we shouldn't be receiving the, ahem, "Body of Christ." Is my family crushed by this? Does anyone in my community even care? What about anyone who isn't going to die within the next ten years? That's the thing. Catholics talk all the time openly about the problems with their dogma. It's not some super sensitive thing, like it is with the Mormons, where you can't make fun of their faith, and they can't make fun of it, or it's not open to discussion, because OMG religious FREEDOM. I dunno, I think there's a huge difference, and it's not necessarily about which is weirder, the Book of Mormon or the Book of Revelation — I would still argue, given the time during which it was written, that the latter (ooh, see what I did there?) is weirder, but that's neither here nor there because the real issue is what is socially acceptable.
And hailing from and representing a community that where dissent and disobedience are not yet the norm.
Anyway this is getting way too serious though and I know I am going to get some LDS hate mail.
MEGAN: That's ok. Plus, if you just say "fuck" a lot in the intro they probably won't read this far into it.
MOE: Hahaha good point! So what else is happening...Americans have abruptly slowed down their wild credit card debt incurring! There's something to be thankful for, right?
MEGAN: Unless they're all just waiting for their rebates to start up again.
MOE: Oh fuck, here's something to be FRIGHTFUL for: McCain Huckabee. Do we have any good authorities on just how plausible this is?
MEGAN: Huckles would be a smart choice for McCain - Southern, a governor, good speaker, they don't hate each other. I don't think he's probably go there, but I don't think who he does pick would be terrible far afield from there. Unless he picks the rumored-to-be-gay Charlie Crist
MOE: Crist is good. Sounds like Christ. Wouldn't it be awesome if he adopted a young Cuban refugee named Jesus? That guy would sooooo be the frontrunner in 2032.
MEGAN: Jesus for President!
MOE: Oh, my god, I just image searched Crist. Hello, beauty queen girlfriend? Wow gay gay gay.
MOE: Sorry I just turned into Perez for a moment
I wonder if he has weighed in on the subject.
MEGAN: Hahaha. Perez. Weighed.
MOE: So like, Charlie Crist is tanorexic in Miami so he is out... Huckabee's family is too trashy...who does this leave us with? Joe Lieberman?
MEGAN: Haley Barbour? Rick Perry? Pundits are calling for Tim Pawlenty of Minnesota, but I don't see putting a Midwesterner on the ballot, but what do I know?
MOE: What do ANY OF US KNOW
MEGAN: And, somehow, we come back to the purpose of religion.