This is the true story, fresh from the Jezebel inbox, of two American 18-year-olds, Eliza and James, who met in Latin class and did not fall in love. That said, it did not stop one of them from trying. One day Eliza wore a pair of cute argyle socks to school and James told Eliza she resembled his "naughty school girl fantasy." Another time she mentioned that his shaved head and affinity for angry hardcore music led her to believe he was a racist, and he retorted that by stereotyping skinheads, she was just as bad "as people who think all Jews are 'greedy merchants.'" Finally, James asked Eliza on a date. Unsuccessfully. Later that afternoon, he posted this IM chat with a friend on his Facebook profile. The title: "Misogyny is good for the soul." We are posting it here as a public service announcement to all high school teens. (Note: in reality, James did not have the, um, cojones to say what he claims to have said.) Merry Christmas!
One day, one day very very soon, you will look back at these missives and the memory of their hormone-saturated angst will give you the self-awareness and fortitude to soldier on, past new rejections and unrequited affections, bringing context to slights and put-downs.
One day very very soon you will find everything about high school really fucking funny. I promise! And one day very son you will find love, or some infatuation-type approximation.
In the meantime, logic like that this is the stuff blockbuster comedy screenplays are made of. (Check the "Merchant of Venice" ref!) Also, is turkey really the best meat?
James says: So I've decided that I agree with you
James says: Women secretly rule the world
HUMANS! TO THE DEATH! says: see
HUMANS! TO THE DEATH! says: i'm right
HUMANS! TO THE DEATH! says: which is why feminism is bullshit
HUMANS! TO THE DEATH! says: THEY ALREADY RULE THE WORLD!!!!
James says: So I've decided that I'm a misogynist
HUMANS! TO THE DEATH! says: i'm not, at least i don't hate women anymore than i do men
HUMANS! TO THE DEATH! says: in fact, i hate men a whole lot more than i do women
James says: I'm not a huge fan of women
HUMANS! TO THE DEATH! says: me shrugs
James says: Not anymroe
James says: anymore at least*
HUMANS! TO THE DEATH! says: i'm going to note that men don't suck my dick.
HUMANS! TO THE DEATH! says: so i'm all for women.
James says: I decided that deep down All Women are Bad.
HUMANS! TO THE DEATH! says: oh hell man, all men are bad too
HUMANS! TO THE DEATH! says: humans are assholes, deal with it
James says: Naw
James says: I've met some really good men
James says: Who were all screwed over by women
James says: One time I asked this Jewish chick out and she said "Why would I date an anti-Semite?"
James says: So I went
James says: "Fuck you kike."
James says: But naw, All Women are Bad. Some men are good
James says: Turkey is the Most Awesome Meat Ever
HUMANS! TO THE DEATH! says: i'm not an anti-semite, jews are cool
James says: I love Jews
James says: It was just because I had a shaved head
HUMANS! TO THE DEATH! says: i'm not a white western european
James says: true
HUMANS! TO THE DEATH! says: that and i tend to make it known i hate white people.
James says: Even me?
HUMANS! TO THE DEATH! says: what i don't make known is that fortunately, i hate everyone EQUALLY
HUMANS! TO THE DEATH! says: we're all people with the same hopes, dreams and fears, so i might as well stack the hate on equally as well.
James says: Just that women are more evil than the rest
HUMANS! TO THE DEATH! says: nah, you're only saying that because you like male ass
James says: I'm only saying that because I get screwed over by women on a regular basis
(James)says: So I guess I might just aim for men and porn for a while