Another Wednesday, another Midweek Madness. The shocking news this week is that we're forced to accept that innocent Nickelodeon star Jamie Lynn Spears had unprotected sex. OK! has the scoop and none of the other mags knew, which is crazytown. The covers are all over the place this week, but Britney's kids and Brad and Angelina's kids take two of them; Heidi Montag gets one and fleshy females in bikinis take the other. After the jump, we try and huddle next to the hot gossip of OK!, In Touch, Star, Us and Life & Style. Find out which mags bring the heat and which leave us cold, after the jump.

"I'm Pregnant" Jamie Lynn Spears gave an exclusive interview to the mag saying that she's totally knocked up. The 16-year-old is 12 weeks along and says: "I put myself in this position, an adult position, so I have to act like an adult and take responsibility for what I did." JLS plans on raising the baby in Louisiana with help from mom Lynne. She's has been with her boyfriend Casey for 2 1/2 years, and they met at church. What must the pastor think? JLS is not thinking about marriage right now, she's focusing on the baby. She also claims that she was "shocked" to discover she was preggers, which makes us wonder what kind of birth control she was using. Intern Sharon counted 8 uses of the word "shock" or "shocked" on two pages of text. Also inside: Tyra Banks was named OK!'s Most Inspirational Woman Of The Year — she's a role model because she "turned down temptations." Huh?
Grade: B- (a warm-ish 60°)

Life & Style
"Tested For Drugs" Britney Spears is accusing Kevin Federline of exposing their children to something far more dangerous than the sugar she stuffs them with: Marijuana! It's a revenge tactic, because Kevin could lose the kids if they test positive for ganja. "Everyone knows Kevin smokes weed," says a source. "To pretend he stops when the boys turn up is ridiculous." Another source says he never smokes around the kids. The boys haven't been tested yet, but apparently Brit is considering taking hair samples to a lab. Moving on! Also inside: Ashley Olsen has lost 12 pounds and has started to wear drapey things so no one can tell. An insider says Ashley is trying to compete with sister Mary-Kate and land roles like M-K has, sigh. Lindsay Lohan drank 3 Red Bulls in an hour and a half — is she addicted? A specialist says crystal meth addicts drink Red Bull to get an imitation high. Michael Lohan was asked what he thought of LL's Red Bull addiction and he said, "I love it. It's better than alcohol."
Grade: C (chilly 50°)

"Why I Called Off My Wedding" The Hills' Heidi Montag wears a bridal white dress in her Us photoshoot, har har. She and Spencer Pratt say the cameras had nothing to do with them deciding not to get hitched — Spencer hadn't told his parents he'd proposed. Don't they watch the show??? Anyway, Heidi & Spence are still together but the wedding is on pause. Also inside: The pet store Britney and Paris frequent was busted for obtaining pooches from puppy mills. Sad! Project Runway's Jack Mackenroth met his boyfriend, Top Chef's Dale Levitski, via MySpace. The stars, they're just like us! Jessica Biel has moved all of her stuff into Justin Timberlake's house and an insider says "She doesn't plan on leaving." [Hahahaha. -Ed] "Rough Starts" is a four page story of celebs who had beginnings in extreme poverty or had abusive families: Jim Carrey's family lived in a car for a year; Sarah Jessica Parker's family was on welfare; Shia LaBeouf's dad was a heroin addict and drug dealer.
Grade: D (freezing 32°)

In Touch
"Brad's Left Holding The Kids" Angelina Jolie reportedly hit a dive bar called The Abbey in the French Quarter of New Orleans and threw back lemon-drop shots with a group of friends. "She was giggling like a schoolgirl," says a witness. But where was Brad? She also went to two different holiday parties in L.A. while Brad babysat. "When she gets invited to a party, she's going, and she's usually not going to invite him along," claims a source. Also inside: "Wow, Britney's Suddenly Slim" is all about her "digital diet" for her "Piece Of Me" video. "It takes about an hour of working on the computer to make her slim in the whole video," says an insider. Also: now that she's pregnant, Jessica Alba has "finally realized" that babydaddy Cash Warren is her soul mate. But some think it won't last: "They've broken up and gotten back together three times over the past year alone," a source says. The evil sidebar of this story is a list of couples who broke up despite a baby: Tom Brady & Bridget Moynahan; Denise Richards & Charlie Sheen; Heath Ledger & MIchelle Williams. Good luck, Jess! Jennifer "Don't Call Me Fat" Love Hewitt turned down an offer to pose for Playboy; Paris Hilton has a Berlin boytoy named Julian (he loves her, but she just thinks he's sweet and is not attracted to him); Lindsay has a new man: Spencer Guilburt — they were seen kissing at Il Sole in L.A. Pam Anderson can't make up her mind about divorcing Rick Salomon because he was a great boyfriend but a crappy husband who doesn't pay attention to her. Also, they do not have a reality show in the works. "They Lost The Baby Weight So Fast" is a story designed to make post-partum Americans feel like shit: Isla Fisher, Naomi Watts and all of the Spice Girls are WAY THIN after giving birth! Lastly, Hilary Swank says, "I'm in love again." The man, of course, is her agent, John Campisi.
Grade: C- (brisk 40°)

"46 Best & Worst Winter Beach Bodies" Instead of coming with a juicy gossip cover, they've got the OMGSTARSHAVECELLULITE angle. Best: Eva Longoria, Heidi Montag, Kim Kardashian, Hayden Panettiere. Worst: Tara Reid, Jennifer Love Hewitt, mother of two Cindy Crawford. But it's equal opportunity, because the men are pictured as well! Worse: Adrian Grenier, Luke Wilson, Will Ferrell. Best: Justin Timberlake, Shia LaBeouf, Hugh Jackman. Also inside: Owen Wilson was totally canoodling with a pretty brunette French art dealer in Miami Beach while vacationing with buddy Woody Harrelson. "He wasn't drinking, but he seemed to be having a really good time," says a witness. Step Up stars Channing Tatum and Jenna Dewan have been together since shooting the film in 2005 and plan to get married. Sweet! The Office's Jenna Fischer is dating David Spade: "He made her laugh so hard that she decided to accept his dinner invitation," an insider says. Are Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale adopting? They're trying to have another kid but are also looking at adoption agencies. Also: Angelina bought Brad a custom made motorcycle for his 44th birthday, it has an engraved plaque that reads, "My sweetheart, the drunk," a line is from a Jeff Buckley album. Johnny Depp will probably never marry Vanessa Paradis because he's a rule breaker and thinks "signing a piece of paper doesn't mean anything in the eyes of God or other people," he says. Lindsay's been hanging with former Britney fling and supposed fetusdaddy J.R. Rotem, and they're "just having fun." This isn't the first time LL has taken sloppy seconds: Stavros, Aaron Carter, James Blunt and KFed are all notches on her belt. Jennifer Aniston is "head over heels" for Sex And The City's Jason Lewis. They see each other every day. A source says he's not into the club scene and Jen likes that about him. Also, Jen got another nose job: Her third and the second one this year. Plus, Angie and Brad have been fighting — over Jen, because he wanted to cast her in a movie he's producing. Oy!
Grade: C+ (crisp 55°)