The cool thing about holidays is that we finally have time to read all those long, thinky-type challenging stories we never get to when we haven't been rendered immobile by that noxious sweet potato-marshmallow stuff. The shitty thing is, well duh, we are fat. Maybe we should take a tip from Kim Jong-Il and take up basketball? Apparently it makes you taller. All this and Trent Lott's resignation, a lot of wondering about how it suddenly became okay to be libertarian and/or anarchist even after you graduate college, nine new reasons to date investment bankers and the secret to dry weddings, after the jump.
MOE: HEY. So happy holidays, Trent Lott is resigning! Only, like, four years after he so eloquently waxed all nostalgic about slavery. What a treat, right?
MEGAN: I know! And it's not even for all of that- rumor is that he's sick but his staff is supposedly saying he has other things he wants to do. Like, being the 2nd most senior member of the opposition party in the most powerful country in the world isn't cool enough or something.
MOE: Especially when you're so entrenched you're allowed to be openly racist! It's like every Republican politician's dream, right?
MEGAN: Allowed to be racist? I thought with all the anti-immigration rhetoric it was practically required! Maybe because Lott's a throwback to the days when it wasn't Latinos that everyone is supposed to hate/fear?Also, the government has approved medical trials for the therapeutic use of ecstasy. No relation.
MOE: I'm doing an ecstasy post later! That was the best thing in the weekend papers. Not that I read the story about the Morroccan city with all the young jihadis. I was depressed enough from the Pakistani wedding I attended over the weekend. It was, incidentally, DRY. Not that there wasn't drinking. No, the Pakistanis seem to drink pretty avidly. They just don't like to see other members of their family when they're doing it. It's a duality, a paradox of everyday life I guess, but what it means wedding wise is that you have to spend a lot of time waiting for the reeeeally laid-back bartender in Columbus to become acclimated to the spectacle of dozens of men in white robes who are all wine snobs. ANYWAY. I bring this up because Nawaz Sharif came back to register for the elections, and naturally, I had to bring it up with them.
MEGAN: Ooh, that must have been fun. Also, I learned the secret to dry weddings: someone, somewhere, always has a stash of alcohol out in his car. The secret is the find the person who seems to be having the best time and make friends with him/her to get access to the stash. Or, if you're not cheap like me, bring the stash and get everyone else liquored up in the parking lot.
Um, this might only be applicable if you don't come from classy roots.
MOE: Well luckily, because it is Columbus, the hotel was in a large outdoor mall strategically located about 100 yards from a Trader Joe's, so cheap wine was in abundance. However, no one seemed to get their act together and I ended up dropping a hundred bucks at the bar anyway. Oh, well. The point is, at least they're not Mormons. And the other point I was trying to make, before I launched predictably into and aside on how cool it is to be dependent on alcohol to cope with the world, was that there is some chaos going on in Pakistan, and I had real Pakistanis on hand to tell me all about it. And the interesting thing is that they had no real opinions on the matter; Sharif or Bhutto or Musharaff, they were all like "Ugh, let's just hope we make it through the elections without a civil war because that would be like a HUGE BUMMER."
MEGAN: That would be a tremendous bummer, I agree, but somehow even thought everyone agrees that war sucks, everyone keeps doing it anyway.
MOE: Yeah, and it has this weird snowball effect! Like they were explaining to me, "See, at first it didn't seem like a bad idea when Musharraf agreed to help America out and start killing all the jihadis in Afghanistan, but then that just created MORE JIHADIS! And now they're actually in Pakistan! And they're probably all irredeemable trashy scum, but the lawyers are telling us that because they're our scum they have rights too, and the lawyers make a good point.
MEGAN: Wait, wait! So, like, people in Pakistan who do bad things get to have, like, rights and stuff? Wow, that's so pre-9/11.
MOE: I know! What, did everyone just FORGET about 9/11? Um, also, speaking of the wedding, the woman next to me said she was a "LIbertarian." I could not summon the courage to ask if she supported your fave candidate Ron Paul. Anyway, that's a story about Taco John, leader of the crazed Ron Paul supporters you have termed the "Paultards" — Redstate apparently calls them "MoRons" but 'you say Al Qaeda, I say Al Qaida' as TMZ would say. One thing I want to know: is Paul going to run as a third-party Perot type spoiler candidate? And does that hurt Republicans or Democrats more?
MEGAN: If he's Taco John, do you think Jim and I can get away with calling him "Pink Taco John"?
I mean, Paul is raising cash like nobody's business from disaffected Republicans, libertarians and college kids who think that pot is really cool, so I can see him staying in it until the end even after he loses the Republican nomination.
That said, one of my close friends is a dyed-in-the-wool libertarian and she told me that the reason they have no political power is that, push comes to shove, they don't bother voting.
So, either he'll lose really badly or he'll pull from disaffected voters, but I can't see him being a Nader-type spoiler.
MOE: Haha, that reminds me of this one time I was in Philly, and City Hall was passing this controversial bill to, like, keep people from panhandling or something, and the anarchists came to protest, only they refused to admit they were protesting because that would be "giving legitimacy to this construct of government" so anyway they passed out vegan sandwiches they had made with some fake meat they'd stolen from Whole Foods, which would have been nice except they lived in these horrible squats that were like, havens for superbugs I bet. Anarchists are so dumb.
Also I was hoping he would be more like a Perot-type spoiler.
How was your Thanksgiving, btw?
MEGAN: God, I love anarchists sometimes. Giving legitimacy to the construct of government? Beautiful.
Thanksgiving was fine, you know, turkey, stuffing, too much wine and lots of football.
MOE: I know they were pretty awesome. The thing I always wondered was, don't they kind of wish there were some regulatory body overseeing whoever puts those gigantic plugs in their ears?
Oh yeah, I kept seeing football in the background. Not a huge topic of conversation in my house.
MEGAN: I could nerd out here and say that in the 1920s the anarchists briefly took control of the city of Munich. They lasted 2 weeks because no one collected the trash and the citizens threw them out. So, no, I think they're cool without government oversight.
MOE: We did have a guy over to enjoy our feast who had been to North Korea though.
MEGAN: Oooh. Neat! Did he meet Captain Krazy PAnts?
MOE: Haha speaking of total extremes! North Korea - Anarchy. Thanksgiving feast - malnutritionsville! Did you read PARADE over the weekend? (Why wouldn't you, right?) They had an interestingly-timed story on North Korea. Give thanks you don't live there! Here's an excerpt:
One of the guides explained to me that although soccer is the most popular sport in North Korea, he preferred basketball, because Koreans are a short race and Kim Jong-il says "playing basketball will make us taller." (Reports say that 7-year-old North Korean boys are 8 inches shorter than their South Korean counterparts.)
Oh and meanwhile? Back in Manhattan? The average salary on Wall Street is edging close to nine hundred Gs
And you know what that's close to...
MEGAN: Yup, basketball will cure that. Nothing like basketball to make up for Captain Krazy Pants starving his people to afford his lavish lifestyle.