A story in the Times of London by Nerve sexperts Lorelei Sharkey and Emma Taylor (Em & Lo) suggests that if a man wants to get a woman "in the mood" he ought to start not by groping her — but by cleaning the house or remembering to take the recycling out. Em & Lo mention a recent book called Porn For Women, which consists of photographs of fully-clothed men doing household chores, making tea, asking for directions and saying things like, "God, that's so interesting. Tell me more." It's not that a dude with a vacuum is inherently sexy; it's more about the feeling you get about your man when he pitches in, they argue. Em & Lo interview Fiona, 43, who has been married for ten years. "My husband always complains that it's unsexy when I nag him, but how does he think it makes me feel when I have to nag him? Like my mother!" she says.

Sandra Pertot, author of When Your Sex Drives Don't Match, explains that men shouldn't be thinking, "If I take out the trash, then we can bone." "It's more about creating an atmosphere in the relationship that builds shared intimacy and mutual caring — foreplay for women in a long-term relationship is often about the 24/7 sharing of housework or child responsibilities," she says. And if the housework is not an issue, there are other methods of seduction: Displays of affection, like snuggles, hugs and kisses — without the expectation of sex. "The most toxic misunderstanding that men have about female libido is that sex drive is about feeling physically aroused and hot for sex," says Pertot. "Sex drive is anything that helps you to decide that sex is a good idea, and what helps many women in long-term relationships make that decision is the 'Oh, isn't he sweet' feeling."


But aren't there women for whom a naked hottie is sexier than a "hunk" taking out the trash? Don't some women initiate sex whether the laundry is done or not? Then again, if your man is hot and smart and does dishes without being asked, do you even need sex advice?

Seduce Your Wife [Times]