Ohhhh, can't decide, people! How to end this week. (I mean besiiides "drunk.") So I've sorta been on this shocking gory true crime spree today. You want more of that? Or something wonderful, nice, inspiring, touching, life-affirming? I'mma let you choose your own adventure. You want the shocking steamy gory underbelly? Click the jump. Because here on the homepage, I've got totes uplifting news. Remeber Jeff Zaslow, the sweet, well-meaning dad columnist from the Wall Street Journal who shared with the world the dadly heartache of watching his daughter get all dressed up to go to the Homecoming dance, only to sit around in her date's basement? You might have recalled how I told him he was better off worrying about how she was going to pay nine years of tuition bills than peer pressure crap he couldn't control. Joke's on me! Jeff just got really rich, and it's not even for a bad reason: he sold the rights to a book about a cancer-stricken professor's illuminating "Last lecture." Oh, and don't click on that if you are not willing to let the person on the couch next to you cry a little. Okay then!

Okay, and then there's this. Yikes! WTF? Is the "dangerous psychopath who can't really get charged with any crimes" the new closeted gay Republican or what?

All right, now you can go drink.

Photo via Cute Overload