You know how sixteenth birthdays have gotten sort of hand in this country, and not in a good way? Yeah, well in Nottingham, the mother of a high school kid recently commemorated the sixteenth anniversary of her son's birth by sending a stripper to surprise him at school. In the middle of class. Now, surely, if you're anything like me, you're like, well, my boss used to do that all the time on people's birthdays, and it was a little awkward and kind of funny but it wasn't, you know, the most embarrassing thing ever. Yeah, well this stripper came in wearing a sexy cop uniform. blasting "Gimme More," and instructed the boy to get on all fours so she could lash him sixteen times with her whip — punishment, natch, for being a "naughty boy" who hadn't been doing his homework. Then she stripped down to a bra and panties and rubbed some cream on her ass and told him to rub it in. And that, understandably, was for the teacher, something of a final straw.
"When the cream came out she told the stripper: 'That's it. That's enough'," reported an eyewitness.
Now this story is, where else, from the Daily Mail, but it has just enough detail and just-convincingly-mortified-enough refusals to comment from the boy's school to seem like it really happened, and if it did, could there be a more awesome mom than this? Oh, sure, depending on this guy's level of social awkwardness this will take between two weeks and two decades to recover from, but after that, could there be a better anecdote to tell about one's high school years? No there could not.
Oh and yeah, it was drama class, so there's obviously the possibility the mom was trying to shock her gay son straight for his sixteenth, which is obviously an even better story, and someone should option the kid's life rights now.