Serious opinion leader Joel Stein uses his mantle at the LA Times to advance a proposal to abolish Halloween and replace it with a more warmer-climed celebration of getting drunk while wearing fishnet stockings, "Slut Day." "In addition to fixing the Halloween problem," he writes, "Slut Day also can replace the 'Pimps N Hos' parties scattered across the calendar, which are racist and sexist, with an event that is only sexist. That's a 50% reduction in offensiveness." Then he describes "Slutoween" as a celebration of unbridled, shamelessly tacky and cartoonishly conventional standards of American hotness, with a lot of participation from Tila Tequila and the Pussycat Dolls and "whoever Brandon Davis is dating" at the moment, and you're like, um, Joel, I think you're describing what the average person with a Myspace URL would describe as "The Human Condition." [LA Times]