Holy crap, last night's episode of America's Next Top Model truly had it all. Blackface! Inappropriate allusions to hot, moist vaginas! Mary J. Blige! Self-elimination! After pale-white, straight-haired, Asperger's syndromed Heather won a challenge in which she got to model for Carol's Daughter, a beauty care line for women of color, Mary J., there as a guest stylist, suggested that she be painted brown. Later, guest-model-trainer Tyson Beckford went off about "wetness" and "moistness", the sort of talk I'm pretty sure Tyra does not condone. (Unless it's about ribs.) But the most amazing moment on last night's episode occurred when Ebony eliminated herself from the competition, saying simply that "modeling is not for me." (Tyra disagreed.) Clip above, and after the jump, stills and snark.

Let's just take a moment and bask in the beautiful regalness of Miss J.

He has it all over Mr. Jay. I keep forgetting he's supposed to be the butch one. Let's try to keep the lipstick down to the shout, OK?

This is just mean. Sara was never this fat.

That's just a bad shot/angle. Tsk, tsk, TyTy. Didn't you sort of make this issue like your life's mission?

Anyway, when Ebony dropped the bomb about not wanting to be there, thank God (and when I say "God" I mean Tyra, natch) for that tightly sewn weave, 'cause it may have been the only thing keeping Tyra's head from exploding. She told Ebony that she doesn't like quitters. Oh, really Tyra, so I guess you're still forging head with that music career?

And finally, what a crock of bullshit this was: