31-Year-Old Paris Hilton Desperately Clings to Youth in Video 'Drunk Text'

Get ready for the next phase of Paris Hilton's career. While she spent her 20s as a pantyless, blond-extensioned, club-hopping socialite in teenie tiny cocktail dresses, it looks like Paris Hilton will spend the rest of her life trying to recapture that former glory of being an accidental pornographer and eating cheeseburgers all sexy-like. She just released a new single and video for "Drunk Text" after inexplicably taking a six-year break from her last attempt at pop. It would appear that she's not interested in maturing or evolving. She's totally comfortable with being pigeonholed as a bitchy party girl. In fact, this latest venture might be demonstrative of how she's not dealing with aging that well, as she seems to prefer that people think she's a vapid idiot than "old."


Never one to shy away from ridiculousness, the lyrics to "Drunk Text" might actually just be the height of it: "I went out to the club the other night to uh, you know, dance with my bitches." The best part though, is that it's like some sort of attempt at poetry. I imagine the writing process involved Paris telling someone some stories about her experiences in the club and then someone organized those thoughts into some loose butthole-type organization:

I'm on the dance floor when I receive a text from Adam
I'm too lazy to type so I send a photo I took up a dancer's skirt and tell him to come and get it, not realizing what I had just said
Later on she comes up to me, holds up her phone screaming at me and I say I'm sorry
It was just a drunk text
I should've known they knew each other
No one is safe in the Twittersphere anymore
If you take the word sex and mix it with text It's called 'sexting'

Paris Hilton Feat. Manufactured Superstars - Drunk Text (Official Video) [YouTube]



This guy sums it up better than I ever could.