We've been expecting Jennifer Lopez to announce that she's expecting. And she says not a word! Has she been attending the Christina Aguilera School of Silence? (Earlier, Perez Hilton reported that Marc Antony's ex-wife, Dayanara Torres, confirmed the pregnancy, but she has since backtracked.) Now we're forced to wonder: If she's not knocked up, what's with the tummy? It totally sticks out! And, by the way, so does ours. What could it mean? Time to visit our favorite professional hypochondriac, the WebMD Symptom Checker. Find out what's wrong with us — and J. Lo! — after the jump.

The area we're dealing with today is the abdomen. On WebMD you can choose the upper abdomen, lower abdomen or the whole enchilada, heh heh. We're going whole hog. Our symptoms? Uh, "bloating or fullness," "distended stomach" and hmm, "swelling." That covers us, anyway. Kidding! La Lopez looks totally swollen.


So, with these symptoms we have a total of 20 possible conditions we could be suffering from. Constipation, gas pains, indigestion, insect bites, kidney disease, PMS, etc. We can't vouch for Jenny but ours isn't PMS. What else could it be? How about gastroenteritis?

Gastroenteritis is a condition that causes irritation and inflammation of the stomach and intestines (the gastrointestinal tract). An infection may be caused by bacteria or parasites in spoiled food or unclean water. Many people experience vomiting and diarrhea...

Okay, that's not it. Because we're not vomiting, and neither is Jennifer. But what about gallstones?

Gallstones form when cholesterol and other things found in bile make stones. They can also form if the gallbladder does not empty as it should.

Oh dear! What are the symptoms?

Most people who have gallstones do not have symptoms.

Ding ding ding! That must be it. Jennifer Lopez and any other woman with a distended belly must have gallstones. And WebMD says, "if you do not have symptoms, you probably do not need treatment." Good enough for us! So don't worry, Jennifer, you'll be fine. But should your symptoms change, come see us immediately for a new diagnosis!

Symptom Checker [WebMD]

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