So there's this Newsweek package out now on how women are powerful and Rachael Ray is on the cover because being a woman with a cooking show is so totally unprecedented and progressive in this society. (Related: Rachel Roy is inside; being a woman with a clothing line; you get it.) And then there's this story in the Washington Post on Barack Obama's powerful lady fundraiser and this other story (in the New Yorker) on how Shrillary Clinton would totally nuke Iran (preemptively, natch) and it all got me thinking: the side of me that wants Hillary Clinton to win the election is totally my pretend penis.

Here's a lady who will give up on finding real love for the sake of power, who will take money from whatever crook is doling it out, whose laughter is somehow Machiavellian, and who, oh Jesus Christ, might be our only hope for dealing with the Islamofascist lead-poisoning homicide bombing Holocaust-denying child labor-exploiting democratically-elected leader poisoning fucktards and preserving our motherfucking way of life while not being a complete disaster. (Wait a sec: is that how we got in this shit to begin with? I'm so confused.) But anyway: Rachel Ray is kind of mainly appealing because of her voice, right?

Festival of Vadge [Newsweek]