The Miss America Organization, in collaboration with the Children's Educational Network, has developed a kid-friendly internet browser — available for download starting tomorrow — that aims to protect children from the the "dangers" of the internet, like online predators and inappropriate sites. (We actually maintain that aspiring to a specific beauty standard in which you walk across a stage in a swimsuit and heels might actually be more dangerous to little girls, psychologically at least, than accidentally running across amateur porn online, but we digress.) The Miss America Kid-Safe Web Browser, as it is called, incorporates a bunch of standard security and blocking mechanisms but also contains many unique (read: weird) features of its own, namely, an animation of the reigning Miss America, 20-year-old Lauren Nelson, who is always there, walking across the screen in a crown, sash, and evening gown. (Miss America! Watching over your kids, even if you're too busy for the job!) After the jump, all the ways Miss America aims to protect and educate young, impressionable American girls.

  • Every few minutes, Lauren Nelson pops up to spout off random trivia that you can find on Snapple bottle caps, like "Did you know there are twice as many kangaroos in Australia than people?"
  • Literacy advocate Nelson keeps kids from reading by doing it for them: She reads their emails out loud.
  • She can be programmed by parents to remind kids to do chores and homework.
  • Of the bajillions of sites on the internet, the browser only permits children to view 10,318 of them, all pre-approved by the Miss America Organization. We have a feeling we didn't make the cut. (We'll be checking it out tomorrow.)
  • If kids try to access a site that's not on the list, Miss America tells them to go ask Mom or Dad first.
  • A feature enables parents to lock the computer and block the use of any other browser.
  • As soon as the browser is opened, "Here she is, Miss America" starts playing.
  • Every once in while, Miss America reminds kids to not forget to email their parents, just to be nice.

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Miss America Launches Own Browser [MSNBC]