Guilty pleasure: I heart astrology. Intellectually I justify it as being a simple, non war-causing way for humans (ex: Virgos) to learn to accept that some other humans (ex: Libras) are just different from them and they have to stop taking it so personally when the Libra half of the equation leaves the cereal cabinet open, it's just how Libra operates because Libras are lazy but on the plus side they are really good at putting up with how mindbogglingly perfectionist Virgo is, because that's how they justify their laziness. So! I was reading a thirty-year-old Cosmo and it featured a "Libra Love Guide" and it was so totally right on, I mean, the last Cancer I dated did have a "tiresome" "addiction to hearth and home" — like he literally talked on and on about his fireplace! — and my Aries ex was a bit cold even as our "minds meshed beautifully" (hah!) and Geminis are some of my faves but they sleep around on account of their "diamond-hard cores." And Scorpios are all "scoundrels!" So I checked in this October's Cosmo and was disappointed; the horoscope was stupid and made no sense and none of it applied to me. But then I read Cosmo Girl!

This month you'll want to write and publish all the brilliant ideas floating around in your head—just make sure you spend as much time on your schoolwork as you do on your Facebook page!

Um, OMG. So either Cosmo Girl! is the new Cosmo, or I have the habits of a 14-year-old! (A 14-year-old with a really high tolerance.)