The new Marie Claire has a fashion story called Made In Italy, The Genius Of Italian Designers, which is a big love letter to Marni, Versace, Valentino, et al. Plus a fun reason to jet to Italy, hire Italian male models and just generally live the life of a fashion editor, we suspect. The photographs, by Neil Kirk, are beautiful, and we're insanely jealous of the entire thing, which is why we mock. We tease because we love, that's amore! After the jump, we write the captions Marie Claire editors left out. Ciao!

The sun rising over the Coliseum? Gorgeous! The idea that she could actually walk on cobblestones in those shoes? Ridiculous!
(dress, $1587; shoes, $609; necklace, $972, all by Marni)

"Gosh, I'm so tired, could you just hold my arm up for me? Thanks."
(dress, $7250, Vantentino)

"What was it again? Ferocious? Feral? Oh yeah. Fierce!"
(jacket, $1230; dress, $1060, both by Iceberg)

"dude i pcked up smthing 4 u txt me bck!"
(cardigan, $5120; dress, $875, both by Malo; belt, $145, Ibisco; tights, $13.50, DKNY)

"Is he looking? Are any of them looking? Well I can't see a damn thing, so you're going to have to tell me. What do you think? Gay or European? No, I know we're in Italy, just answer the question. Gay? OK then. Jeez."
(dress, $12,950; belt, $1325, both by Dolce & Gabbana; shoes, $1059, Versace)

"How the hell am I supposed to score? No, not the game — the dudes. They're all looking at each other instead of me. Instead of Guys And Dolls it's like Guys And Balls."
(dress, price upon request, Versace Atelier; shoes, $1100, Sergio Rossi)