Just because we've never heard of teen magazine Justine before doesn't mean that we didn't want to learn all sorts of things about it from the good peeps at MediaPost's 'Magazine Rack'. After all, we were once teenage girls. And while our parents made YM forbidden — they said it was demeaning to women — we did pore over many a Seventeen. Which we think we stopped reading by the time we were, oh, 13? [What about 'Sassy'? -Ed.] Anyway, the times haven't changed much. In fact, if anything, the current crop of teen mags is even worse than the ones from the mid-80s, as everything one needs to know about Justine can be wrapped up in one terse statement:

[C]rap transcends generational differences

According to Magazine Rack, Justine is rife with "bland recommendations" "by-the-numbers organizational framework", "overcaffeinated layouts" and "sad attempts to sound contemporary," while making no mention of sex, alcohol, acne, or peer pressure. Also: "It's a magazine for shut-ins, fantasists and reality deniers. Its fashion coverage also pushes the now-ubiquitous message of: "Why use your mind when your ass can do the heavy lifting, right?" And then this:

Justine has no more idea how to connect with teenage girls than Henry Kissinger does.

Well at least Kissinger has the funny accent.

'Justine' September / October 2007 Review [MediaPost]