The "special style issue" (the new way to say "back to school"?) of CosmoGirl! has a denim story shot by photographer Ben Watts, (who is actress Naomi Watts' brother) and starring actress Paz De La Huerta. [What the hell has she ever been in? -Ed.] We like Watts as a photographer, but for a jeans story in a teen magazine, the concept was a little weird and Ms. De La Huerta had some bizarre poses. Also, we like art direction as much as the next person. But of the approximately 112 inches of real estate on the opening spread, a mere 2 inches is actually denim. And Paz is hiding her face. We wondered what she was thinking. Then we realized: we don't have to wonder! We can just make it up! The Jezebel interpretation, after the jump.