Genevieve and James work together. So when he asked her for dinner, she had to go. At least, since he had a girlfriend, it wasn't a date, right? Er, wrong. Genevieve ended up actually dating this tool despite the ludicrously pretentious email he sent after their dinner, which we've all done because like that great philosopher cf. Offspring, we have no self-esteem. Maybe later we'll post a poll on which sentence made you want to puke most. And without further ado, "Crap Email From A Dude." The names are made up but the logic that lying is okay, you know, because it's not like it's about weapons of mass destruction or anything, is cringetacularly real.


Dear Genevieve,
I wanted to thank you for a wonderful night. You might have thought I was only being coy when I said that it was the most fun I've had in a very long time, but I wasn't. Honesty is funny that way, isn't it? (Cf. Phaedrus: "Rhetoric" says to "Truth": 'you may be true, but people will only know you through me.') [Wikipedia: you know, Phaedrus, the dialogue in which Socrates describes pedophile-boy love as "the best and noblest of all the forms that possession by a god can take"]

And isn't that the trouble? We constantly have to say what we mean into a world where words are less and less valued as having any meaning attached to them (for instance, the Bush administration, whom, as a whole, one can't trust to say the truth ever).

Anyway, I will not use "cf." again. I promise. You should know, I am no longer with my girlfriend, Rebecca. She's left me for what I imagine is "for good". She says I don't respect her and that I lie to her too often.
I've already told you her crimes/sins/mis-deeds. I needn't rehash. What that means, however, or, rather, what that may allow (though of course, you will say—and I will agree!—there are many things that
this "allows") is for me to, without any sense of guilt or hesitation, tell you that I had a wonderful time last night. Our conversation ( I found) was funny and smart and quick-paced. And most of all it had a sense of acceptance of who the other was. Joking aside, that is.

You don't have to say yes. Of course not. But, well... I wouldn't forgive you if you said no.

Best, James