This week, daytime TV was stricken with a nasty case of the reruns. Even after I lauded The View for keeping it fresh all summer, B. Dubs went and gave the ladies this week off, leaving no reason for a lot of us to get up before noon. So the only View clip we have for you is from last Friday when Molly Shannon wore a pair of coochie cutters that Babs was apparently keen on. Other clippy goodness includes Tyra all up in Queen Latifah's grill and Oprah's interior designer Nate Berkus, the GILF (gay I'd like to fuck), on the topic of sperm donation and Halle Berry (not to be deposited in any of my orifices, unfortch).
It's gonna be an all-Tyra recap here, since The View was all repeats and because other than the Nate Berkus episode, Oprah was either sad (Bob Woodruff, child slavery) or boring (Faith Hill). The main reason why I'm desperate for new Tyra episodes is because I'm sooooo over her Crypt Keeper weave.
TyTy took an AIDS test on the air, using one of those mouth swab-y things. She seemed quite at home administering the test to herself, as it was a similar movement to one of her favorite pastimes—eatin' ribs!
Then, on a different episode, she kept it AIDS-y by having on Queen Latifah, who was promoting her HBO film about the disease, Life Support. Normally when Tyra has celebrity guests of that caliber, she'll make them walk the runway and show off their outfit, but she knew that Teef is, er, different, so instead they played basketball, which all but shattered the door of the glass closet Latifah's been living in. They may as well just started having oral sex right there.
Notice how Tyra throws the ball underhanded, granny-style, while Latifah throws it overhanded, lesbian-style.
Tina Knowles (Beyonce's mom) made a special appearance this week, giving viewers makeovers, which essentially means that she dressed them in House of Deréon and gave them a weave. Did you notice that all of Ty's makeover shows involve giving people weaves? The grossest episode of the week, hands down, was the one where women became seriously ill or disfigured in their quest to become more beautiful. I decided that before these images could be displayed on Jezebel, they'd need a makeover—so I gave them weaves.
Here is a makeover I performed on a woman who received a botched lipo/tummy tuck:
And I added a few tracks for fullness to these legs that developed a bacterial infection from a messy pedicure.
Seriously though, you have to hand it to Tyra for being in the presence of those sores and still managing to keep her ribs down. She's so strong.
Related: Quadroon [Wikipedia]