We've been obsessing over how best to approach this story and we've decided the only method is to just let it speak for itself. The BBC is reporting that a young Briton named Amanda Monti was apparently so angry after a former lover rejected her advances at a party that she pulled off one of his testicles. Like us, we're sure you have a few questions. And thanks to a bang-up job on the part of the BBC, we have some answers!
Question: Was Amanda crazy? Answer:
In a letter to the court, Monti said she was sorry for what she had done. She said: "It was never my intention to cause harm to Geoff and the fact that I have caused him injury will live with me forever. I am in no way a violent person." The letter added: "I have challenged myself to explain what has happened but still I just cannot remember. This has caused much anguish to me and will do for the rest of my life."
Question: How exactly does one "pull off" a testicle? Answer:
In his statement, Mr Jones said she grabbed his genitals and "pulled hard". He added: "That caused my underpants to come off and I found I was completely naked and in excruciating pain."
Question: Okay, then what happened? Answer:
The court heard that a friend saw Monti put Mr Jones's testicle into her mouth and try to swallow it. She choked and spat it back into her hand before the friend grabbed it and gave it back to Mr Jones. Doctors were unable to re-attach the organ.
What more can we say? Sadly, the guy will now be known as the English Lance Armstrong.