We've never really wanted breast implants, so maybe this is old news to the pneumatically enhanced, but we were intrigued by a new ad the pharmaecutical company Allergan is running in this month's Marie Claire. Apparently implants are sort of like couture! (Or, perhaps in an appeal to the many Benz-driving financiers of fake tittery, cars!) Behold the "Natrelle Breast Enchancement Collection." Apparently, much like women themselves — and as we have recently learned, much like those women's vaginas — breast implants come in "a broad range of sizes, shapes and profiles." Eager to learn more, we hurriedly went to the website advertised in the ad, hoping to find a list of options akin to one of those delis where every sandwich is named after a famous athlete, like the Linda Carter circa 'Wonder Woman' special, or the Anne Hathaway in the Princess Diaries, or the lactating Salma, or the Statue of Liberty...

And it said: Check Back In A Few Weeks! Which is sort of how we would feel if someone asked us to explain how the size and shape of our tits reflected our unique personalities.