Women are notorious for putting others' needs before their own, and nowhere is that sad reality in more dismal, full-color display than the new issue of Cosmopolitan. In fact, it takes 146 pages of neurotic-making, other-directed relationship instruction — on such matters as the behavioral secrets, visual titillation, ego-stroking and carnal cravings of men — before the magazine devotes space to anything resembling reader-focused editorial copy*. By which time, of course, we're so worn-out by the staggering amount of work required to satisfy the opposite sex that our own fulfillment feels like a quaint — and exhausting — afterthought. Good thing the magazine teaches us how to "stay awake!" (don't eat carbs!) on page 152!

*Yeah, there's a 4-page story on page 110 titled "Your Orgasm — Guaranteed", but this article is less about empowerment and more about the idea that most women can climax from intercourse alone. Which, of course, is total bullshit.