Welcome to the Wednesday feature we have yet to name. In which we "read" the Wednesday celeb tabloids. So you don't "have" to.

SEVEN DAYS since Brangelina sold license to their, uh, "brand" would probably be the proper term, to People, and THIS is the "dirt" Us Weekly un-er-earths as revenge? Well, the first item is kind of awesome, but..

-During Jolie and Pitt's stay in Namibia in 2006, [Brad bodyguard Mickey] Brett threatened photographers and hired a "thug" to "stalk and intimidate" an Us reporter. (Um, if this was actually an US staffer, and if that staffer is anything like a former Us staffer we know, the mere act of flying to Namibia probably intimidated her. And then there were black people.

-61% of Usmagazine.com readers polled highly unscientifically found it "in poor taste" to sell pictures of Pax so soon after his adoption. (And so crass of her to insist People start covering Cambodian news in return!)

-Angie changed his name from Pham Quang Sang (quang sang means bright light) to Pax Thien (Latin for peace, Vietnamese for sky) "There are people that feel that it's cruel to change a pet's name when you get a pet," they quote some expert saying. Way to equate the brown people with pets, Mara Reinstein!

-She is starring in a bunch of movies, the proceeds from which she will also — SO FUCKED UP — invariably give away. Think of the latchkey orphans!

Related: Angelina Jolie and 'People': Who Adopted Whom? [Gawker]