Remember how you thought nothing could top that crazy astronaut lady donning the diaper for that cross-country road trip to confront her ex? Well, the Anna Nicole autopsy report was sort of like that, in that you start out thinking it's just one of those "stranger than fiction" stories that always seem to involve Florida, but then you realize that you really kind of regret knowing about the diaper, because you're a girl, and that is gross.

The bed is covered with a white sheet, with a large yellow/brown stain with a peripheral residue. To the right of that stain, there appears to be a bloody fluid. One of the sinks had what appeared to be caked yellow/brown residue of emesis.

Beyond Gross! After the jump, Anna and "Big" Moe read the autopsy report and get totally skeeved.

AnnaNicoleHolmes: i am out of post ideas. there is very little news today. i guess we shoulda done an anna nicole...
BigMoBrighthaupt: we could IM re anna Nicole!
BigMoBrighthaupt: we could.... say whether we'd ever taken any of the nine drugs found in her body? Confession!
BigMoBrighthaupt: have you ever had anything injected in YOUR buttocks?
AnnaNicoleHolmes: benadryl
klonopin
valium
lorazepam
oxazepam
nordiazepam
temazepam
chloral hydrate
BigMoBrighthaupt: do they have, er, "street names"?
AnnaNicoleHolmes: acetaminophen
ciprofloxacin
topiramate
atropine
BigMoBrighthaupt: this list is making me feel like an innocent babe
AnnaNicoleHolmes: me too!
BigMoBrighthaupt: also, what happened to the methadone??
AnnaNicoleHolmes: there was no methadone in her system
BigMoBrighthaupt: i know, but i wonder, if she had it in the fridge, you know...what was stopping her?
BigMoBrighthaupt: you have to wonder this stuff, like if a few hours before she kicked the bucket, she took out the bottle, looked at the label and said, "hmmm. Maybe that would be overdoing it."
AnnaNicoleHolmes: HAHA
BigMoBrighthaupt: like, howie, ya think opiates wouldn't go down well with the nine prescription drugs already in my system?
BigMoBrighthaupt: so is chloral hydrate looking like the culprit here?
BigMoBrighthaupt: you have to love that the media spin on this has been "nothing surprising here" and "nothing ILLEGAL."
BigMoBrighthaupt: like it's a nonstory
BigMoBrighthaupt: so like chloral hydrate was invented in, like, during the andrew jackson presidency!
BigMoBrighthaupt: it probably put people to sleep on the wagon trains of the oregon trail!
AnnaNicoleHolmes: this says it is sometimes used as a date rape drug and is illegal in the u.s. i wonder if howard k. stern slipped it to her to get her into bed
BigMoBrighthaupt: how the fuck do you take all these drugs and it's an ACCIDENT that you die?
BigMoBrighthaupt: I love how it's used to treat alcohol withdrawal. like if you have to take chloral hydrate you're probably better off a drunk, you know?
AnnaNicoleHolmes: right? who has six different benzodiazepine derivatives in their goddamn system?
BigMoBrighthaupt: i like that, on top of all of that
BigMoBrighthaupt: she took tylenol
BigMoBrighthaupt: and benadryl
BigMoBrighthaupt: but particularly tylenol. i mean, it is the MILDEST analgesic on the market..
AnnaNicoleHolmes: tylenol is dangerous for liver, though and doesn't the liver process all those drugs? i also like how the benzos are classified in the autopsy report as "theraputic drugs".
BigMoBrighthaupt: Also, who prescribed all this shit?
AnnaNicoleHolmes: okay so which drugs of these nine have you taken and why?
Benadryl: antihistamine
Klonopin: benzodiazepin derivative
Valium: benzo derivative
lorazepam: Ativan/Temesta. Benzodiazepine (sedative, muscle relaxant, anti-convulsant)
oxazepam: benzodiazepine derivative. Sedative, muscle rexlaxant, anti-convulsant)
nordiazepam: see above. Used to treat anxiety.
Temazepam: see above.
chloral hydrate: sedative. Used for insomnia.
acetaminophen: tylenol
ciprofloxacin: CIPRO
topiramate: anti convulsant. Used to treat epilepsy, prevent migranes, treat bipolar disorder.
Atropine: derived from nightshade plant, lowers activity of muscles/glands. May cause swallowing difficulties.
BigMoBrighthaupt: cipro!
BigMoBrighthaupt: i've taken cipro!!
BigMoBrighthaupt: that's how you cure anthrax!!
BigMoBrighthaupt: but i think i just had some weird snatch infection
BigMoBrighthaupt: oh wait, UTI.
BigMoBrighthaupt: Cipro treats UTIs. And then GIVES you yeast intections. That's how the gynos hook you.
AnnaNicoleHolmes: yes i had to take cipro for a uti too. and then it gave me yeast infection yes.
AnnaNicoleHolmes: then i had to take another goddamn pill.
BigMoBrighthaupt: why isn't Diflucan OTC?
AnnaNicoleHolmes: i've taken klonopin and valium. valium to come down after i did coke in my mid 20s, klonopin for when i've had panic attacks
BigMoBrighthaupt: oh wow! I like how you're specifying "my mid 20s"
BigMoBrighthaupt: so yeah, I've never taken either of those.
BigMoBrighthaupt: My mom's taken valium, does that count?
AnnaNicoleHolmes: oh shit i think she had a clit ring! it says "there are piercings above and below the umbilicus".
BigMoBrighthaupt: hahahah!
AnnaNicoleHolmes: haha. maybe when i was in my late 20s too.
BigMoBrighthaupt: stars! they're just like US!
BigMoBrighthaupt: (inside joke)
AnnaNicoleHolmes: what's an umbilicus?
AnnaNicoleHolmes: (yes, VERY inside joke).
BigMoBrighthaupt: a pun wrapped inside an inside joke!!!
AnnaNicoleHolmes: we might as well stop for the day. we can't top that.
AnnaNicoleHolmes: so maybe she had two belly button rings, one on top and one on bottom, NOT a clit ring
BigMoBrighthaupt: that's classy
BigMoBrighthaupt: 2 belly button rings
AnnaNicoleHolmes: just so you get the point.
BigMoBrighthaupt: so yeah, um, how much coke do you have to do to take something else to come down??
BigMoBrighthaupt: and how much does it cost?
AnnaNicoleHolmes: yuck. her implants were "surrounded by a thick connective tissue capsule with a thick yellow fluid"
BigMoBrighthaupt: eeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwww
AnnaNicoleHolmes: i dunno. i don't know coke amounts i just did what my friends had.
BigMoBrighthaupt: i feel like everyone I know has done ativan.
AnnaNicoleHolmes: well thank god: anna nicole had a "normally wrinkled" vagina. see? Stars! Just like us!!
AnnaNicoleHolmes: yuck on the bed she died on ther was a "large yellow/brown stain wiht a peripheral residue. to the right of that stain there appears to be bloody fluid".
BigMoBrighthaupt: ew, ew ew
BigMoBrighthaupt: wait, how crazy is the "scene investigation"...with the king and all those weirdly named people
AnnaNicoleHolmes: i know
BigMoBrighthaupt: why was she on human growth hormone?
BigMoBrighthaupt: wait, what is the caked yellow/brown residue of emesis?
AnnaNicoleHolmes: huh?
BigMoBrighthaupt: "The table on the right of the bed also contains a partly covered transparent glass jar containing a brownish liquid."
AnnaNicoleHolmes: i know. what the fuck.
BigMoBrighthaupt: http://vice.typepad.com/vice_magazine/…
AnnaNicoleHolmes: i am not going to look at that.
AnnaNicoleHolmes: are you going to post our IM convo about the drugs we've taken?
AnnaNicoleHolmes: and reading the autopsy/death scene?
BigMoBrighthaupt: i'm going to trim it in a sec
AnnaNicoleHolmes: take out the other stuff
AnnaNicoleHolmes: but you can post this:
ANNA LOVES COCK!

Anna Nicole's Autopsy Report Released [Smoking Gun]