19 Crappy & Crazy Christmas Gifts From Sky Mall

Illustration for article titled 19 Crappy & Crazy Christmas Gifts From Sky Mall

Strange things are afoot in the Sky Mall catalog! Check out lasers, kitty spaceships and sneakers that will make you "look like a million dollars" in a gallery, beginning below.

Advertisement
Illustration for article titled 19 Crappy & Crazy Christmas Gifts From Sky Mall

1. Hair Max Laser Comb
For: Your uncle with the receding hairline?
Because if there's one thing that can solve any problem on earth, it's lasers. Everyone knows that. This thing has NINE lasers, for nine times the pain efficiency! The $495 price tag is a drawback; you'd better have a lot of cousins who want to chip in.

Illustration for article titled 19 Crappy & Crazy Christmas Gifts From Sky Mall

2. Break-resistant Wine Glasses
For: Your Aunt Alkie?
Thanksgiving will be less embarrassing! But be warned: Auntie may experience a major drop in productivity, and you may have to drive her home.

Illustration for article titled 19 Crappy & Crazy Christmas Gifts From Sky Mall

3. X5 Hair Laser or Toppik
For: Your other Uncle with the receding hairline?
Notice how the dead forest of hair becomes a thicket? It's magic! And the spray-on hair is better than that toupee.

Advertisement
Illustration for article titled 19 Crappy & Crazy Christmas Gifts From Sky Mall

4. G Defy Sneakers
For: Your friend who just had a baby?
More energy, pain relief, etc. And the little sperm logo is just adorbs.

Advertisement
Illustration for article titled 19 Crappy & Crazy Christmas Gifts From Sky Mall

5. Remote-Controlled Tarantula
For: Your Goth niece?
The black widow will help her on her mission to frighten her parents in brand new ways.

Advertisement
Illustration for article titled 19 Crappy & Crazy Christmas Gifts From Sky Mall

6. Stainless Steel Wallet
For: Your tightwad brother?
He's obsessed with counting every cent, and he doesn't even know about radio-frequency hacking. Encourage — and manage — his paranoia.

Advertisement
Illustration for article titled 19 Crappy & Crazy Christmas Gifts From Sky Mall

7. Slanket
For: Yourself
Yeah, it's sooo 2008. Call me when you're cold and typing and wishing your blanket had sleeves.

Advertisement
Illustration for article titled 19 Crappy & Crazy Christmas Gifts From Sky Mall

8. Digital Notepad
For: Your BFF who's getting married?
She can scribble notes about seating charts, her gown and flower arrangements and then email them to a batch of people, 9 out of 10 of whom will hit "delete."

Advertisement
Illustration for article titled 19 Crappy & Crazy Christmas Gifts From Sky Mall

9. Forest Faces
For: Your own lawn. Sure, they're horrifying — and thus, they keep the neighborhood kids living in fear, far from your property.

Advertisement
Illustration for article titled 19 Crappy & Crazy Christmas Gifts From Sky Mall

10. Rock Lamp
For: Your sister who longs to be one with the earth and also smokes a lot of pot. The flame looks so cool when you're stoned.

Advertisement
Illustration for article titled 19 Crappy & Crazy Christmas Gifts From Sky Mall

11. CoverTiques
For: Your coworker who's always showing waaaay too much cleavage. Just leave it on her chair, with a note from "Secret Santa."

Advertisement
Illustration for article titled 19 Crappy & Crazy Christmas Gifts From Sky Mall

12. Litter Robot
For: The crazy cat lady in your life; bonus if she's a sci-fi fan. Kitty's going into space!

Advertisement
Illustration for article titled 19 Crappy & Crazy Christmas Gifts From Sky Mall

13. Peanuts Nativity
For: The aging hippie in your life, who'll think it's funny that Woodstock is the baby Jesus.

Advertisement
Illustration for article titled 19 Crappy & Crazy Christmas Gifts From Sky Mall

14. Head Spa Massager
For: Anyone you want to see looking like a fool.

Illustration for article titled 19 Crappy & Crazy Christmas Gifts From Sky Mall
Advertisement

15. King Tut Lifesize Sarcophagus Cabinet
For: Your mummy. Obvs.

Illustration for article titled 19 Crappy & Crazy Christmas Gifts From Sky Mall
Advertisement

16. The Inspirers Collection™ Portraits
For: Black people. Seriously, they should call this "stuff black people like." My Great Uncle Julius would move his Roots mural and hang these over his couch if he were still alive.

Illustration for article titled 19 Crappy & Crazy Christmas Gifts From Sky Mall
Advertisement

17. Happy Feet
For: Your Jimmy Choo-obsessed friend. Dare her to wear them out of the house.

Illustration for article titled 19 Crappy & Crazy Christmas Gifts From Sky Mall
Advertisement

18. Warm Whiskers Neck Wrap
For: Your nephew who wants to be Gunther Gable or either Siegfried or Roy when he grows up. Throw in something sequined; he'll thank you later.

Illustration for article titled 19 Crappy & Crazy Christmas Gifts From Sky Mall
Advertisement

No presents here… It's just that sometimes, we post a Photoshop Of Horrors and someone will ask, "why don't they just use illustrations?" Here's your answer: Some companies do! The results are terrifying.

Illustration for article titled 19 Crappy & Crazy Christmas Gifts From Sky Mall
Advertisement

Last, but not least:
19. No! No!
For: Honestly, I'm not sure who could benefit. But I do think it's interesting that the girly pink one costs $30 more than the manly red one.

Earlier: 8 Products From SkyMall You Can Use To Kill Someone
SkyMall: Shopping The Friendly Skies For Pointless Products
More SkyMall: The Mile-High Commerce Club

Advertisement

DISCUSSION

amsci-old
amsci

Skymall is the highlight of my day when traveling.

Above is one of my favorite items they sell, for the pure wtf-iness of it all.

I often wondered who would actually buy it, until I saw an episode of "Moving Up" where a couple had one. In their bedroom. And it was red. #skymall