Dolly Parton Doesn't Need Your Lil' Presidential Medal of Freedom!

Illustration for article titled Dolly Parton Doesn't Need Your Lil' Presidential Medal of Freedom!
Image: Rich Fury (Getty Images)

There’s a scene in Troop Beverly Hills where Phyllis Neffler’s maid, Rosa (played by Shelley Morrison, who also played Rosario on Will and Grace, hello), interpolates a line from The Treasure of the Sierra Madre, a movie I have not seen but understand that someone out there probably thinks I should. “Patches? We don’t need no stinkin’ patches!” she says. This line is iconic to me, partly because it is what I imagine was going through Dolly Parton’s head when she somehow missed the opportunity not once, but twice, to receive the Presidential Medal of Freedom.


Technically, Parton’s refusal to receive this dubious honor from the former President has nothing to do with politics—it’s just that her schedule simply wouldn’t allow it. As Parton explained on an appearance on the Today Show, the first time former President Trump offered the medal, Dolly’s husband, Carl, was sick. The second time, Dolly refused to travel because of “the covid.” Now, it sounds like Joe Biden wants to give her the medal, too, but Dolly’s fear is that if she accepts it from him, that move will be interpreted as “political.”

“Now I feel like if I take it, I’ll be doing politics, so I’m not sure,” she said. “But I don’t work for those awards. It’d be nice but I’m not sure that I even deserve it. But it’s a nice compliment for people to think that I might deserve it.”

For the record: Obama never offered this woman said medal, either. Ma’am, respectfully, you deserve it and the world beyond. I don’t love to canonize famous people just because they’re famous or whatever, but please remember when Dolly donated her own money to Vanderbilt University and singlehandedly (I’m kidding, she just gave some money) helped one of these goddamn vaccines get to market. In short—give her the medal or don’t, but it doesn’t seem like she’s checking for it either way. [EW]

The more I think about the love blossoming between Machine Gun Kelly and Megan Fox, the more sense it makes. Though MGK is a “rapper” by profession and Megan Fox is best known to me as being relatively hot, there’s an air of Hot Topic-ness about both of them that works when they’re together. And though I feel they have not been together for long enough to be making declarations of “soulmates” and eternal love, as an insider has proclaimed to E! News, if this bleach-blonde rapper man is the thing to get Brian Austin Green out of Megan’s hair forever, then okay, girl, get that divorce, hurry it up!

Here’s a photograph I found on Megan’s Instagram that, to me, encapsulates perfectly why these two belong together.


She is objectively very hot, and he is not quite there, but very tall. If you squint at this photo for long enough, Megan Fox begins to look like a remix of both Angelina Jolie and Olivia Munn, two women that people generally are also very hot. MGK’s hotness, which started off low, rises with his increased and continued proximity to Megan. MGK is a real case study in “is he hot or is he just tall,” and his continued existence next to Megan, carrying her like a baby into the SNL studio, or making out with her in a gross way around Los Angeles, swings the pendulum towards the former and away from the latter. This calculus is mine and mine alone, but maybe, for you, it works, too? [E! News]

  • Mariah Carey’s sister is suing her over her memoir.... seems messy. [Page Six]
  • Guess it’s good that the terrifying Stormi slide gets used more than once? [Us Weekly]
  • Justin Bieber’s Lyme disease (?) struggle has made his wife, Hailey, more aware of her health. That’s good, but ma’am? Pay attention a little more? [People]

Senior Writer, Jezebel



“is he hot or is he just tall

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