If you are anything like me, you glanced at the Lakynn meme—in which a chipper blonde pregnant woman stands in front of what appears to be a chalkboard word jumble but is actually a list of baby names with the letters “lakynn” triumphantly encircled to indicate that a human child would be monikered with these noises—and thought “Oh yes, I know this blonde woman.” This blonde woman lives in a suburban McMansion with a brick facade, unnecessary white columns, and truly baffling dormers. Her either white or black SUV is the size of a small island nation. Her children are all virtually identical reprints of one another in different sizes, the entire family glaringly white-headed and skinned with eyes the color of glaciers reflecting the sky, as if the lot of them have been overexposed in every single photograph they’ve ever taken. I’ll bet Lakynn’s mom has a lot of different seasonal yet fashionable hats, and either is or was recently a member of a religion with a deeply worrisome recent past, you might have said.
Well, if you did rush to those conclusions, you were correct. And if you also guessed that the influencer with the blackboard full of phonetically plausible but culturally dubious letter combinations standing in for actual names supports Trump, is probably not going to get all those blonde children vaccinated against Covid, thinks we should just open the economy back up or whatever already, and is miffed at people for being mad at her for having these opinions despite the fact that she was not required to share them, you’re some sort of fucking prophet because all of those things are true.
This particular memified blonde woman is called McKinli Hatch and has over 80,000 Instagram followers, a lot of children, and even more opinions that she shared freely in a series of stories answering questions from her followers. While it is “True” that she is a Trump supporter, whitens her teeth, thinks her nanny is “the sweetest ever,” is “pro-life,” was Mormon but is not anymore, and compares her children not getting a flu shot to refusing to vaccinate them against covid, which has killed over 400,000 people and will likely kill many more, McKinli predictably believes the real bummer here is that people do not just accept these statements without complaining despite the fact that many of them are bad and wrong. You negative people operating under completely accurate assumptions have made McKinli “sad” that “there are so many people that feel they can not voice their opinions.”
That is sad, McKinli. How are you ever going to explain to
Nayvie Lakynn that all mommy wanted to do was say she at least tangentially supports fascists and also is a science denier who doesn’t care if her neighbors die as long as she can take Instagram photos maskless in a pumpkin patch without repercussion, but all the meanies on the internet got mad at mommy just for having opinions so bad and cruel they seem like satire? Life isn’t fair, Lakynn. I’m so sorry this is happening to you and mommy.