Let's Mourn the Lizzie McGuire Reboot That Could've Been

Illustration for article titled Let's Mourn the Lizzie McGuire Reboot That Could've Been
Photo: Disney/Lizzie McGuire

The question of who/what/where and when Lizzie McGuire is fucking will never have an answer now, because the show’s much-discussed reboot has officially died. The news came straight from Lizzie, alias Hillary Duff, herself on Instagram:

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“I want any reboot of to be honest and authentic to who Lizzie would be today,” she wrote. “It’s what the character deserves. We can take a moment to mourn the amazing woman she would have been and the adventures we would have taken with her.”

Duff was vocal about wanting the reboot to be released from the puritanical strictures of Disney+ and transferred over to the sluttier, more fun Hulu, where Lizzie could have really spread her wings as a healthy 30-something woman living in New York City. (Though to be honest, unless Disney+ had a problem with Lizzie hopelessly swiping through Tinder for six hours before falling asleep on an empty bottle of wine at 9:30 p.m., I’m not sure what the problem is.)

But the creative differences with Great Aunt Disney+ were many. Terri Minsky, the show’s original creator and reboot show-runner, was abruptly removed from her job in January two episodes into production, and the whole thing seemed to unravel from there.

It’s a shame all around. Yet in the end, perhaps no Lizzie McGuire is better than a fuckless Lizzie McGuire. Instead, let’s imagine a world where McGuire becomes the proprietor of one of New York’s top sex dungeons, turning it around from a seedy Times Square dive to a place where people can go and explore their deepest desires in a positive and supportive environment. As Duff herself once said: Why not?

DISCUSSION

snide-o-mite
Snide-O-Mite

Is this really about a sexually active adult woman? You can’t be serious.

According to the CDC, 95% of all Americans 18+ are sexually active. It’s as normal as pooping or eating. I’m more surprised if people over the age of 18 who haven’t had sex because it’s not typical.

Then again, I’m in my 40s, and my older sister has been screeching about how “disgusting” it would be if I had sex. She did that before and after I had sex. When I was in my late 20s, she tried to actively prevent me from going on vacation with a guy. She still tells people that I’ve never had sex and to not talk about sex in front of me. I’m married, and I have a kid so....

I don’t get the obsession over women’s private sex lives.