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Boning Is 'Divine,' Says Chill Pope (Via God)

Illustration for article titled Boning Is Divine, Says Chill Pope (Via God)
Photo: Franco Origlia / Stringer (Getty Images)

That’s right folks! From the mouth of Pope Francis—fucking is good, actually. As is eating. Feel free to devour whatever your meal (or snack) of choice may be.

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The New York Post reports that Italian writer Carlo Petrini is publishing a book in which he’s compiled several interviews with the Pope. In one of them, Pope Francis explains that sex and food are gifts from God, and dismisses the idea that to enjoy these types of pleasures is sinful.

“Pleasure arrives directly from God. It is neither Catholic nor Christian nor anything else; it is simply divine,” he tells Petrini in the book “TerraFutura: Conversations With Pope Francis on Integral Ecology,” an English working title, out now in Italy. “The pleasure of eating and sexual pleasure come from God.”

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Amen to that! I am extremely tempted to make a joke about how this might be the real reason why people call out to their God during sex but as a lapsed Catholic and avid sinner, I will refrain.

Francis continued, referring to the church’s past condemnation for life’s gustatory and sexual pleasures as “overzealous morality … A wrong interpretation of the Christian message.”

Wow. Maybe, just maybe, if the Catholic church was wrong about the pleasure of eating and sex being sinful, they could also be wrong in their stance on other issues like.... abortion? But no no no, that’s too wild. People who can get pregnant are allowed to have all the sex they want, but God forbid they don’t want to carry the baby to term. (No, literally.)

But back to the pleasures of humping.

“The pleasure of eating is there to keep you healthy by eating, just like sexual pleasure is there to make love more beautiful and guarantee the perpetuation of the species,” said the Pontifex Maximus.

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Well, Pope Francis, I have to tell you that a lot of the ways people are having sex out here is actually not about procreation at all, contrary to what they taught in my high school sex-ed class, but I was with you up until the end there.

For now, back to my steady church-approved diet of munching and banging!

Freelance writer who loves sandwiches, astrology, & fighting on the internet.

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DISCUSSION

republicanshateamericans
republicanshateamericans

So is eating a cheeseburger while having sex the most divine act in which mankind can engage in?