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Saturday Night Social: Asshole Mad at Assholes

Illustration for article titled Saturday Night Social: Asshole Mad at Assholes
Photo: Drew Angerer (Getty Images)

Assholes are wonderful—beautiful and functional. But some assholes are bad! Case in point, Donald Trump, who seems to have popped a Grand Canyon-sized fissure over how all the dried-out, fried-out, uncleaned, and unlubricated  assholes over at Fox News aren’t fully falling in line with him over some recently reported asshole behavior of his.

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On Thursday, The Atlantic published a report detailing past instances in which the President said some vile shit about veterans, dead soldiers, and other members of the military—truly nuts, considering how imperialismheads who love soldiers as praxis are, like, one of the only groups of people who generally seem to love and respect the President without condition?

Anyway, Trump reportedly canceled a scheduled 2018 visit to an American military cemetery in Paris because he didn’t want to get his hair wet. Besides, he allegedly added: “It’s filled with losers.” The report also claims that Trump once asked his staff not to include wounded veterans at a White House event because “nobody wants to see that.”

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A lot of media outlets covered The Atlantic’s bombshell report, including the generally Trump-friendly cable TV hellmouth known as Fox News. The network’s national security correspondent, Jennifer Griffin—who, given the fact that she works for Fox News, is probably also an asshole??—was even able to confirm some of The Atlantic’s claims for herself. But now, perhaps feeling betrayed after years of loyal butthole-to-butthole solidarity, the President’s basically shitting himself over Fox News coverage and calling for Griffin’s firing, Deadline reports.

Jennifer Griffin should be fired for this kind of reporting,” Trump tweeted.Never even called us for comment.”

Personally, I hope the President marches on down to whatever gated neighborhood Fox News’ most highly paid execs are currently quarantining in to give them a piece of his mind, only for the ground beneath them to open up in a small, though powerful, earthquake—the planet swallowing them up in her mighty, miles-long gape and blessing us with one (1) single night of peace before whatever else 2020 has in store strikes next………but that’s just me!! What do you hope for the future? What do you have planned for tonight? I hope it is great and that you have a good time—one woman’s take.

Freelance journalist (GQ, Esquire, Out, elsewhere), here on weekends

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Krispy Porkchops

Shelter Cat Update!

I was Kinja-ed last week. Plain and simple. But I was in a vulnerable place at that moment and took it hard, and made the mistake of engaging a troll whose comment caught me in a moment of weakness. But I was also overwhelmed by the love and support of the community we have here, all the way up to JES, who was very apologetic and quick to respond. Your words of support meant (and still mean) the world to me.

So let’s get on with it! First, My update from last week should be visible nowe, so you have a double does this week:

https://jezebel.com/1844893568

Also, be aware that if you don’t see me here, I do the update Fridays at Groupthink, and I also do it on Bruce’s Twitter on Sundays (though I may move it to Saturdays). But here is where the update gets the most engagement from the community, and that’s my best reward.

Frosty’s bravery continues to grow in miniscule steps.

He’s curious enough to approach me without a door between us.

But no touching yet.

His roommates have been more receptive, though one of them only let me pet her once this week.

The other sits in the window and is more chill about things.

Plush enjoys giving love nips now. Not to worry, he’s very gentle (did you hear that, Art? <sigh>).

Remember the Halloween kittens? One of them, Hallow, was returned this week. I remember her being extremely shy when she was here before, and she is no different now. BUT. I started leaving treats on her fleece and other places. Then I would leave and visit other rooms. When I returned, the treats were gone. So I tried it again. Same result. And not only that, she stood up on her hind legs and did a huge stretch on the screen door. But she etreated quickly when I entered the room. Still, this is the most animated I ever saw her. I made sure to collect evidence of her nom consumption.

I informed these two that if they continued to bed-squat, they might not make the next update.

Nala is impressing everyone with her socialization skills. No more Miss Grump!

Luna would rather be an aloof floof.

Woody was also returned to us this week. He was adopted by the same people who adopted Red. I may have mentioned in a previous post that he and Red weren’t getting along. His adopters are moving away, their new place is going to be very small, and Woody was stressing. They didn’t feel it would be fair to keep him. I know they did everything possible to make things work. Both times I visited him in the transition cage, he has been super affectionate and not the slightest bit angery, which I believe is a reflection of how much they loved him.

Joining Woody in the same room are a bonded pair, Leo and Max. I first found them under the bench, and while I couldn’t coax them out, Leo did let me pet him. He has a huge weakness for under-the-chin scritches.

That was Wednesday. Thursday, they had moved from under the bench to the cave in the cat tree. Except they are two large cats and didn’t completely fit inside, so Leo had to sacrifice.

Which is okay! Because we could continue our session from before.

After a while I took a break and visited Logan.

When I returned, it seemed Max had observed the attention I gave Leo and wanted to get in on some of that.

The issue here, though, is that they are both large kitties in a small space, so this was turning into a very tight squeeze. But we managed! Here, you see one hand scritching two heads.

You know, folks, there is a very simple solution for this problem.... (honestly, I was laughing on the inside as this was playing out)

Yesterday, I found them under the bench again.

But with the strategic placement of noms, they were rather easily tempted out into the open. Yay!

Leo keeps head-butting and rubbing against Max. Besties!

This morning brought even more progress! Not only did they come out from under the bench with a little coaxing, but they explored the room! 

I didn’t know it at the time, but I made the mistake of going into this room to say hello to Kipper, Donegal and Shane. Little did I know that my visit would set off shenanigans. Donegal is still obsessed with Kipper’s tail.

Kipper is having *none* of that, and wrestling kittehs wrestled.

When I came in this morning...

Shane remains above the fray. This time.

Art is still suspicious of that wiggly thing with the white dot.

Eh, scratch it off, fella. There you go.

Finally,