Prince Andrew Had to Drive to His Father's House to Get a Royal Ass Whooping

Illustration for article titled Prince Andrew Had to Drive to His Father's House to Get a Royal Ass Whooping
Photo: LILLIAN SUWANRUMPHA (AFP via Getty Images)

Prince Andrew’s presence was required at Sandringham Estate, where his daddy Prince Philip is staying, for what I can only assume was a royal ass whopping (a.k.a. an incredibly stern talking to) before Monday night’s interview with Virginia Giuffre aired. Prince Charles “read the riot act” to Andrew at a light and civilized lunch between the three men on Monday, according to The Sun.

But, like, in a courteous, posh, and well-mannered way.

An anonymous source told the British tabloid: “It was all very civilised and calm but Charles calmly read him the riot act and told him there was no way back for him in the near future. Andrew thought he was being treated harshly as nothing has yet been proved against him, but he accepted the decision. He really had little choice.”

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In late November, the 59-year-old royal announced he would take a step back from public royal duties. And after the Giuffre interview aired, Andrew truly, actually had no choice.

In her interview, Giuffre repeated her allegations against the royal, including that they had sex when she was underage after being introduced by Ghislaine Maxwell and the late Jeffrey Epstein. Buckingham Palace “emphatically” denied the allegations. (Andrew himself denied the allegations in a disastrous interview with BBC.)

But The Sun’s reporting paints a royal house in a bind: Does Andrew go to America to clear his name or does the royalty maintain its mystery? It’s a difficult predicament,” the anonymous source said.

What’s worse though is he’s managed to disappoint his daddy, the cardinal of male sins. “Philip regrets Andrew doesn’t know how to lead a simple life. He thinks he’s been too extravagant,” the anonymous source said.

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Remember on Mad Men, when Lane Pryce’s father came to town to tell him to patch things up with his wife and he soon met Lane’s black Playboy bunny girlfriend? And when Lane said no, he wasn’t going back to his wife, Lane’s father whomped him with his cane, knocking off his smart guy glasses as he fell to the floor, then crushed Lane’s hand and wrist underfoot as he instructed him through gritted teeth to obey his orders?

That’s the kind of smack down I’d like to see Andrew get from everyone, everywhere. (Poor Lane.)