Your Most Disastrous Thanksgiving Meal

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Thanksgiving, the superior American holiday despite its questionable origins, is right around the corner. For many, it’s a stressful time of the year, and for all, it’s a stressful time to eat. I want to hear all about your Thanksgiving meal disasters, and I want to hear about them now. Did you go camping and almost get mauled by a bear? Did you try to follow a recipe (drop the recipe) and burn shit to a crisp? Did your hippie, vegan, drunk Aunt Betty accidentally eat meat and instruct you not to inform her yoga group? Best stories will win; let them free in the comments below. Namaste.

Here’s last years:


Let’s check out last week’s winners! Here are your best yearbook quotes:

nixpix, I hope this is real, because it is absolutely the best one:

“I won’t be at the reunion”

eoghan01, this is a treat:

lol, I put “It’s not the destination, it’s the journey” ... in Latin. But I don’t remember enough Latin to reconstruct the actual quote.

kinbari, your daughter rules:

Not mine, but my daughter’s: “I despise formal restaurants. I find all of that formality to be very base and vile. I would much rather eat potato chips on the sidewalk” - Werner Herzog.

I have never been prouder and more astonished than I was in that moment, because she wasn’t just being clever, she was being accurate - she’d much rather eat potato chips on the sidewalk.


PhoebeCaulfieldTheThird, I wasn’t looking for sweetness, but this is too good to ignore:

I didn’t have a yearbook pic because my mother made me quit my job when I became pregnant then wouldn’t give me the $30 for the school photographer. So there’s a clip art of a random object over my name.

My school did a couple of lines for memories under the photos (or clip art in my case). Mine ended with a profession of love to the baby -daddy “H.C. I love you” because you know, I was 17. He’s sitting across from me now, 32 years later and he’s still my very best friend.


some obscure reference, this is extremely real:

My high school yearbooks didn’t have quotes, probably because increasing each senior’s page real estate would have created a yearbook the size of the Yellow Pages. So the closest thing to a quote for me was what I wrote as a PS when I signed my friends’ yearbooks senior year:

“As you look back through a golden haze of nostalgia, remember: It was hell.”

I promised myself I’d never forget how much I hated being a teenager, and I haven’t. It’s part of why I never wanted to have kids of my own. I mean, great for any of you out there who had enjoyable adolescences, but my goal was to make it through and GTFO.


MalloryKnoxxx, yes:

“Three can keep a secret if two of them are dead.”

- Benjamin Franklin

Maxine Floeffler’s Congressional Subpoena, your friend definitely would’ve been my friend in high school:

For my yearbook they let us ramble on. People had their activities listed (I was very busy in high school so I had a ton of those) and then free-associated, listing their pals and memories and maybe a quote or two. Mine used a lot of insider slang that I can’t remember anymore so I no longer know what I said.

One of my friend’s sole entry was, “My mind was a terrible thing to waste.”

Uppity, this is good and goth:

My senior year yearbook quote was, “You anæsthetize me.”

AkursedX, this is the kind of embarrassing stuff I was looking for—thank you!:

Class of ‘98. I still remember mine because I’m still a huge D&D nerd.

“Who among us has not wondered if the world is no more than a personal dream?”-Drizzt Do’Urden.

So young and naive.....

run, lillian!, this is also delightful and dorky:

I’m not taking a picture, but my senior year quote was “If I had the chance, I’d ask the world to dance.” Billy fucking Idol. And I graduated HS in 2003.

I was very cool.

killaryclinton, I feel connected to this on a spiritual level:

Ha oh man I just came across mine the other day when a friend was asking me to find some old pictures. It’s so cringey. I went to a small high school so we each got about 1/4 page in the yearbook. I filled mine with a bunch of emo lyrics directed at different people... some of them shady/passive aggressive and some of them just terribly earnest. Like to my junior year boyfriend: “if I hurt you then I hate myself/don’t wanna hurt you/don’t wanna hate myself” (Sister Hazel! So deep!) and to my ill-advised senior year boyfriend “we tried to avoid it but there’s not a doubt/and there’s one thing I can do nothing about” (ooh, so mysterious, Taking Back Sunday).

And then I topped it off with this appeal to the “Class of 04", quote from a terribly emo book I was obsessed with at the time: “Just tell me to shut up. Tell me to stop complaining. Tell me that all of this stuff is a thousand times easier than the real world because it is. Petty high school bs is not real life but the petty people in high school go on to lead real lives, don’t they? I just want to listen to music and write in my notebook and be stupid and young forever. Don’t make me grow up. Don’t tell me this is the real world.”

And my parents had the gall to try and talk me out of the whole thing and said it wouldn’t age well!


Drop those horror stories down below.

URL: Senior Writer, Jezebel. IRL: Author of the very good book 'LARGER THAN LIFE: A History of Boy Bands from NKOTB to BTS,' out now.

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The last time I traveled for Thanksgiving was when we drove up to my uncle’s house when I was pregnant with my youngest child. We were a full two hours late because it took us almost 8 hours to get there in some of the worst traffic I have ever seen on Thanksgiving Day. I spent the entire drive with a pie on my lap, feeling desperately like I had to pee. My uncle’s house is tiny, and full of breakable things. Also, it was already full of my cousins and their children, who were all quiet and well-behaved, having driven maybe half an hour to get there. My two young children, on the other hand, were cranky from being boxed up in the car for hours and overtired from being woken up too early, turning them into the loudest, most obnoxious hooligans who could not keep their voices down nor keep their hands off of anything. My husband spent and I spent the entire visit shushing our kids and saving the many objects de art in the house from being destroyed, while my aunt and uncle and cousins politely tried to ignore the fact that my children were basically feral at this point. And every five minutes, someone would turn to me and ask if I wasn’t sure I needed to sit down and put my feet up. Like, literally every five minutes. I was mystified. Couldn’t they see I was doing my best to save the house from ruin? Why were they so concerned with me putting my feet up? Why did they keep looking at me with badly disguised horror? Was I so fat and ugly? I spent the day in a state of manic misery, chasing my kids and fending off my family. I barely managed to keep my shit together until it was time to leave. We spent an awful, sleepless night in a hotel before driving back the next day.

As it turns out, my family was right to be concerned, because they could see what I couldn’t - that I had swelled up like a tick about to pop. It had come on so gradually that I was used to seeing myself and it didn’t occur to me there might be something really wrong. I was admitted to the hospital a week later with pre-eclampsia and had to have an emergency C-section. I lost about 40 lbs of water in a day. I could actually see myself getting thinner by the hour.