Saturday Night Social: Kasey Claims the Title of World's Cutest Rescue Dog

Illustration for article titled Saturday Night Social: Kasey Claims the Title of Worlds Cutest Rescue Dog
Screenshot: Today Show

No one tell my rescue dog, but a very charmingly-coiffed dog called Kasey has been named the cutest rescue dog in all the world.

Kasey, a 6-year-old Keeshond beat out 7,000 dogs to claim the title in People and Pedigree’s second annual World’s Cutest Rescue Dog Contest. Hopefully, the 6,999 other dogs all got participation ribbons reading Very Good As Well and are wearing them proudly. As for Kasey, her title included an appearance on the Today show, a year’s supply of dog food, and my admiration.

How were your weeks? Very good as well?

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Pumpkin Andy is Orange

Yesterday morning, courtesy of my narcissistic witch mother and rotten sister, I woke up to seven missed calls from my dad’s cell, and a pile of increasingly frantic (and annoyed, TBH) texts from my sister, saying some variation of “mom and dad think you’re dead because you never call them so you need to call them RIGHT NOW” or something even more scolding. When I called my dad’s cell (he was playing along as well) it was my mother who answered, basically lying in wait to scream at me and argue how she “thought I was dead”. Which is a ridiculous, dramatic lie, and served as the launching pad for all of her arguments about me not returning calls, which is a lie as well. This makes my heart pound in my chest. She loves to lie and make herself the victim to my villain, and then she’s emcouraged in this insanity by the rest of the family. And then, like Trump, she keeps doubling down on the lie and insisting she’s right. It was this bizarre attack out of nowhere and was super upsetting, to be ambushed like that, and so viciously. Wow. Fuck them. My family, collectively, has always been my first and worst bully, with my mother gleefully in charge. JFC, these people. My therapist was amazed that I grew up with that from the day I was born and ended up a normal-ish person. Me too. She loves to drop the ”funny” story of how, when I was a baby, I would often hold my breath until I fainted when I saw her approaching. I have no idea if that is true, but the fact that she finds so much pleasure in recalling that story makes me think that you in that house, life was rough for me from the get go.

I look forward to putting a country or two between me and them in 2020.  Sorry for the over share but getting ambushed and ganged up on feels super terrible, as an experience, and it's been hurting my head and maybe writing it out will help.