This Dick is Too Big

Illustration for article titled This Dick is Too Big
Photo: Getty

We’re taught to respect the size of a dick, even place undue importance on size of a dick. But we’re not told of the work. The work involved in accidentally stumbling on a massive erection attached to a clueless partner, or even the effort it takes to live through the experience of someone with a startlingly huge penis and too much skill! And if that dick is attached to a 180-foot giant in the English countryside? Game over! You’ll spend the next day walking around like your insides are going to fall out. (And if you’re particular to anal, you’ve tread dangerously close to this experience.)


The Cerne Abbas Giant of Dorset (located in Southwest England), the aforementioned 180-foot giant with a 36-foot erection, is fading. His origins are unclear—some believe it was to mock Oliver Cromwell, others think he was made in the likeness of Hercules, and even more believe he was an aid in fertility. Regardless, restoring his chalk outline will take two weeks and scores of volunteers meticulously packing 17 tons of chalk into his towering penis. In a report from 5 News, you can see just how many people he needs to massage his catastrophically large dick back to life.

If there are any chalk giants reading this, know that size doesn’t matter. Except when it does, because I cannot stress this enough: This dick is too big.



Can we have boys of deadspin to analyze it?