Kenny G Is Trapped in Kim Kardashian's Living Room for the Rest of Eternity

Famed saxophonist Kenny G is stuck in the labyrinth of roses and soulless minimalism that is Kim Kardashian’s living room. Will he ever get out? Probably not. Je téléphone la police!


This little performance is a Valentine’s Day gift courtesy of Kardashian’s husband, Kanye West. So if your boo doesn’t end up giving you roses today, you know why: West bought every single fucking one.

Staff writer, mint chocolate hater.



So many questions:

1. That’s your living room? Your living room has no furniture? Or someone moved all your furniture out of the room? If it’s the latter, are they standing around just waiting for him to be done so they can put it back (like grave diggers waiting for the end of the funeral)?

2. Is someone going to take all those flowers and put them in one (or two or three) bigger vases or are you going to try to display each rose individually all over the place?

3. How did Kenny get there? Did they put him there AND THEN put all the roses in the room or did he have to tip-toe through to get to his designated spot?

4. How many songs did he play? Because if it’s more than one, I would want a chair or a couch to at least sit on. And if it’s just one, that seems like a colossal waste of time, effort, and money.

5. How long was he standing there before Kim came in the room? Did he start playing while she was elsewhere and she’s all, What the fuck is that noise and then went hunting around the house for the random Sonos speaker that she assumed was misfiring?

6. Did Kim know there would be a guest in her house? Because if I’m not expecting company, I’m not often in a presentable state (i.e. my gross stained sweatpants on, no bra, no eyebrows) and I would be PISSED if my husband brought guests in without warning me.

7. Do the roses smell? Because nowadays a lot of roses don’t smell like anything, especially around the holidays, and if they don’t, you can get right the fuck outta here with that mess.