2018's Selectively Capitalized Daily Mail Headlines, From A to Z

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Year in Review 2018Year in Review 2018We made it through another weird year. Let's look back on how we got over.

As far as I’m concerned, one of the last remaining reliable sources of joy on this planet is The Daily Mail’s continued practice of selective capitalization in its headlines. You’ll be reading and all of a sudden, the Mail is shrieking “PENIS” in your eyes, as if your eyes wouldn’t have been drawn to the genitals if they had been printed normally (maybe it’s just me).

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Every year, I collect my favorite examples of this stylistic choice for a retrospective post. This year, I collected enough to organize the post from A to Z. I hope you enjoy my amusement.

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A is for ALIEN, who’s in no place to give advice.

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B is for BRAS, the meal you eat twice.

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C is for CENTIPEDE, a bug with cunning agility.

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D is for DEVIL, who cures Catholic responsibility.

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E is for EGGS, which make prostate stimulation intense.

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F is for FARTING, a fireable offense.

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G is for GODSISTER, a rude second option.

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H is for HERPES, in your French-onion concoction.

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I is for INGROWN HAIR, which can fuck you up something absurd.

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J is for JUUL, which is spelled using all caps anyway, I just needed a J-word.

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K is for KILL CODE, which I think might end cancer?

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L is for LAP DANCES, which you can take out of the lap but not the dancer.

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M is for MILK, the fruit of a man.

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N is for NOThold it as long as you can.

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O is for OBESE, through the air it sails.

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P is for POOPING BUTT, which hangs from your nails.

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Q is for QUEEN, who we all quite admire.

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R is for ROAST CHICKENS, this mule should retire.

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S is for SHE-SHED, your own private getaway.

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T is for TEARS, which are quite popular these days.

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U is for URINE, a miracle drug.

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V is for VEGAN, who has more reason to be smug.

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W is for WORMHOLES, a reason to live.

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X is for X-RAY, because of course it is.

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Y is for YOU, monkey do, monkey see.

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Z is for ZERO, I can’t believe we made it to Z!

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Okay, now I’m exhausted. Here are some more headlines that made me laugh and/or wince. Happy New Year.

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Some Pig. Terrific. Radiant. Humble.

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DISCUSSION

Some headlines from The Daily Mail if you are lucky enough to be ignorant of them:

HAVE ASYLUM SEEKERS GIVEN ENGLAND DIABETES?

COULD YOUR LOCAL COUNCIL STEAL THE IDENTITY OF BRITAIN’S SWANS?

IS THERE NO ONE LEFT IN BRITAIN WHO CAN MAKE A SANDWICH?

COULD THE EURO MAKE TAXPAYERS IMPOTENT?

ARE LESBIANS STEALING FROM COMMON SENSE AND DECENCY?

IS TWITTER IMPREGNATING YOUR HOUSE?

WHAT NEXT... APPLAUD GAYS IN THE BEDROOM?

COULD WORKING MOTHERS DEFRAUD THE MEMORY OF DIANA?

WILL GYPSIES KILL THE COUNTRYSIDE?

HAVE PAEDOPHILES INFECTED YOUR PENSION WITH AIDS?

Disclaimer: Some of these headlines are made up