Staying on the theme of things you never needed, we'd like to introduce you to sex furniture.

Yup. Vibrators are so five minutes ago. Chairs are the new taboo.

The slightly NSFW details after the jump.

Love life gone off the boil? Needs a bit of spicing up? Head on over to and clamber on some sex furniture! It's all about the angle apparently. But wait, there's more! Sex furniture can also make your penis bigger
and get you knocked up. Hurrah!

Best sellers include the Ramp:

"The ramp lifts your lover to an altitude of 10 to 16 inches, tilts her 27 degrees and lets you dive in deeper than ever. Off the side of the bed, the elevation electrifies each sweet sensation, sending you into a quivering shivering sweaty love-bliss oblivion."

"Tilts her 27 degrees", eh? It all sounds very dignified. And notice it's all about HIS "quivering shivering sweaty love-bliss oblivion", while you'll be relegated to the status of a bendy doll.

And the wedge:

promises to "excel every oral performance and eases any anal expedition".

Well. That's number one on our shopping list, then.

On the plus side, the covers are machine washable, so you can get them as sperm-encrusted as you like with your love-bliss oblivion. We'll be off having a nice cup of tea.