Mary Lee’s latest location is on the left; Cisco’s is on the right (via screengrab/NBC)

One of the best things about blogging over Memorial Day weekend is knowing that I’ll be protected from whatever dangers are lurking just outside my door, inadequately costumed under the guise of “fun.” For example, I’m not at risk of choking on a hot dog at a park barbecue or brain hemorrhaging after a stray volleyball bonks me in the head. You’re way less likely to get skin cancer if you don’t see the sun, and unlike you gullible twerps, I certainly won’t get eaten* by the pair of great white sharks swimming just off the coast of the Jersey Shore!!!

Mary Lee, who clocks in at 16-feet, 3,456-pounds, has long made a habit of summering along the Jersey Shore and its environs, making return visits each summer since the non-profit shark tracking group OCEARCH first tagged her in 2012. As of Saturday, Mary Lee has been bobbing around Cape May, New Jersey and Rehoboth Beach in Delaware, but she’s also been known to head to Jones Beach to take in a Lynyrd Skynyrd show or whatever it is that people/fish do there. Twitter tells me the weather’s finally nice again, so she’ll probably be in town for awhile now.

Joining Mary Lee is Cisco, a relatively puny thing at 362 pounds and 8-feet, 7-inches. Cisco set off OCEARCH’s alert system when he crested the water early Friday morning at the mouth of the Delaware Bay. His diminutive size is on account of the fact that he’s still young, and also has the distinction of being among the few male sharks the group has tagged, NBC New York reports.

In conclusion, the world is a dangerous place, so you’re better off spending your long weekend inside, at your computer. With me!

*Your odds of meeting a great white in the water are extremely slim, particularly considering their dwindling populations. Sharks are necessary to a healthy ocean ecosystem, so while they should command your respect, there’s no reason to feel open hostility toward them.

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To ensure that you’re fully educated on the plight of the great white shark in our waters and beyond, I’d advise you to spend the rest of the weekend inside, at your computer. With me!