After a full year of being chained to each other’s rhythms (they’re rumored to have hit it off at last year’s Oscars), Katy Perry and Orlando Bloom have decided to call it quits. Wait. They’ve actually consciously uncoupled. Wait, no! It’s a new one. It’s one I’ve never heard before! People reports that Katy Perry and Orlando Bloom “are taking respectful, loving space at this time.”
This is coming from “both their reps,” by the way, not the unintelligible stammering of an anonymous source who doesn’t know either of them. “Respectful, loving space” is part of their official statement. (NOTE: I chose J.J. Abrams to represent “respectful, loving space” in the image above simply because he seems both respectful and loving, not because he is in any way responsible for their breakup.)
This may come as a surprise to those of you who followed coverage of this year’s Oscars, as the two of them were photographed at the Vanity Fair afterparty.
It may also come as a surprise to those of you who follow Orlando Bloom on Instagram, as he posted a photo of himself with Katy’s dog on Tuesday.
It may not, however, come as a surprise to this “mystery brunette,” who probably knew something was up when she “fondled” Bloom’s face last week.
Casey Affleck, a creep with an Oscar, was asked by his hometown paper, The Boston Globe, how he feels about being targeted by so many haters who think he’s a sleazy, filthy-looking man who harasses women.
He “paused and sighed heavily” before sharing that “both sides in the case are prohibited from commenting on the matter, and none of the people who are condemning him online know what happened,” adding:
“I believe that any kind of mistreatment of anyone for any reason is unacceptable and abhorrent, and everyone deserves to be treated with respect in the workplace and anywhere else. There’s really nothing I can do about it other than live my life the way I know I live it and to speak to what my own values are and how I try to live by them all the time.”
Here’s a quote from Jessica Chastain:
“I had one male director say to me that I talk too much about all of this ‘women stuff.’ This is a person I love, and maybe he was concerned I would hurt my career. I’m not attacking anyone. I’m trying to create more inclusiveness, compassion and empathy — which in turn makes better movies, better art.”
Now let’s play a guessing game! It could be John Madden, an old English director with whom she’s worked twice (The Debt and Miss Sloane), Christopher Nolan (Interstellar), Ridley Scott (The Martian), or Xavier Dolan, the Canadian wunderkind who’s directing her in the upcoming The Death and Life of John F. Donovan. One thing to note: she didn’t start getting super political until the last year (when she worked with Dolan), AND she...uh...loves him:
But she didn’t Debra Messing this, so who knows!