Brangelina: We Are 'Committed to Act as a United Front to Effectuate Recovery and Reunification’

Image via Getty.
Image via Getty.

After nearly four months, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie “have reached an agreement to keep their divorce and custody battle out of the public eye.” Their divorce papers are officially sealed, and we may have to wait years (perhaps a decade?!) for one of them to sit down for a profile that will shed some light on what exactly ripped their marriage to shreds.


Here is the statement they provided to Us Weekly (bold mine):

“The parties and their counsel have signed agreements to preserve the privacy rights of their children and family by keeping all court documents confidential and engaging a private judge to make any necessary legal decisions and to facilitate the expeditious resolution of any remaining issues. The parents are committed to act as a united front to effectuate recovery and reunification.”


Excuse me, a united front? Just last week, Jolie filed documents in which she claimed Pitt was “terrified that the public would learn the truth” about their divorce. Pitt himself has said...nothing? since then. That doesn’t sound like the behavior of two people who are part of a “united front” to me.

Conscious uncoupling this is not, you two. I don’t believe your lies.

[Us Weekly]

Ben Affleck promoted his new (and presumably self-indulgent) mess Live By Night on Jimmy Kimmel Monday night and spent a large chunk of the interview dragging his baby brother, Casey Affleck, for not thanking him during his Golden Globes speech as well as being such an embarrassing Oscar contender.

He said:

“It would be historically the first time that brothers would win something separately, and not just the brothers winning, but this would be the very first time someone would win an Oscar who didn’t brush his teeth from ages 10-14...It would be the very first time someone who wins an Oscar pulls his pants all the way down at the urinal!”


This is like a day-old urinal cake making fun of a month-old urinal cake.

[Gossip Cop]

I’m furious that every website is covering this Jamie Foxx video in the same, bait-and-switchy way. I will NOT! I will call it out as BULLSHIT from the very beginning! This is a PRANK! He is FINE!


  • Carrie Fisher’s official cause of death was a heart attack. [THR]
  • Speaking of Fisher, she was reportedly “a little shocked by the intimacy” of the HBO documentary about her and her mother. [Page Six]
  • Speaking of intimacy, Justin Theroux left the Golden Globes early to watch TV in pajamas with Jennifer Aniston. [Daily Mail]
  • Dennis Quaid “might be underpaying” his spousal/child support. [TMZ]
  • Bella Thorne’s comments about body positivity always feel like they’re being given with a shrug. [ONTD]
  • Here’s some incredible sponcon from Blake Lively. [Instagram]

Staff Writer, Jezebel | Man

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thunderbae (a straight shooter, respected on all sides)

Ugh, Afflecks.